Friday thoughts

It’s Friday evening.  I’m up in my room and just spent an hour or so working on a grant application for one of the organizations I volunteer for.  I’ve never done a grant application before but no one else was interested in doing it and I figured I had nothing to lose.  I’ve got it mostly done, I’ll just polish it up later this weekend and get it in on Monday, when it is due.  I have another one to do for another organization.  It’ll be interesting to see what transpires…

I’m in my room because my daughter’s sort-of boyfriend is here and I’m giving them some space to hang out.  What is a sort-of boyfriend? They are more than friends, but not really dating in a steady way.  No regular weekend dates, no phone calls or texts or anything on a daily basis.  They have known each other since they were 5 or 6, and in the last 6 months or so they’ve just become a little more interested in each other.   It’s very low-key and low-pressure and I very much approve– much more sensible than getting all serious and heavy.

I’ve been struggling with headaches this week.  Had a horrible migraine that started Monday night and went through the following evening– dreadful.  I felt good Wednesday morning but by the afternoon I had another headache, this one a sinus which of course segued into another migraine. Very painful and discouraging, since I’d been headache free for a while.  I think they were caused by a combination of factors– too much Easter candy (why, oh why did I buy 4 bags of Cadbury mini-eggs? What was I thinking?) , and I forgot to take my loratadine on Monday so the allergies were acting up.  Also Wednesday was a bright, sunny day and while working, the reflection of cars parked outside really got to me.  I survived, though, got back on the allergy meds, and got the last of the mini-eggs out of the house since I have absolutely no self-control with them.

So I haven’t written much in April, and I miss it.  It’s been a busy couple weeks with Easter and all, not to mention time spent curled up in bed clutching my head and waiting for it to explode.  But I’m learning that writing makes me feel good, is good for me, and maybe something I am supposed to be doing.  I need to not be afraid to prioritize it.  I did write a little in my private journal, and I’ll write more this weekend– I have some stuff to work out, and it’s not for public consumption.  I am finding journaling invaluable for this sort of thing– working out a problem or issue or just venting.

Speaking of Easter– the Vigil service was wonderful.  The lectors did a fantastic job, the music was lovely.  The church was decorated so beautifully and the fragrance of the Easter lilies filled the air. We’re blessed to have a priest with a good, strong, true voice and when he chants the Exsultet (Easter Proclamation) it is incomparable.  It occurred to me this year while listening that it may be the last time I get to hear Fr. David chant it– our parish clusters are changing this summer and he may be moved to another parish.  So I made sure to enjoy it.  Fr. was really on his game, and the Mass seemed even more beautiful than usual. I love the moment when Father lights the Easter candle, and then we spread its light through the dark church, candle to candle, until the whole space is filled with candlelight, symbolizing The Light of Christ. Thanks be to God!

My eyes are tired

My eyes are tired because I finally finished reading The Robe, covering the last 200 or so pages in the last 24 hours.  I just couldn’t put it down.  It’s an amazing book and provided lots of food for thought.  I haven’t really processed it all yet.  In one review I read, the reviewer said the book had made him or her feel more confident about speaking out and practicing  the Christian faith.  It is definitely a book that does that, it makes me want to be more open about my own faith. I feel I practice my faith well, but I do not share it with people– I am reluctant to speak about my faith.  This book really challenged me to speak up!  I may write more later– or I may not.

I had asked a former teacher to write a letter of recommendation for me recently and hadn’t heard back.  It was depressing me, because she had always been very encouraging to me as a teacher.  I finally heard back– she had been busy, but would be glad to write the letter– whew!  This is for a scholarship, and they really want an instructor’s letter, and she was really my only option.   I am not only grateful because I need it, I am also grateful because I truly value this woman’s opinion.

Madeline and I took a bike ride this afternoon– it was a beautiful spring day today.  There was an intensely blue sky with white puffy clouds overhead, the grass was so incredibly, impossibly green.  Lots of trees are starting to bloom, and the daffodils and hyacinth and tulips are blooming and beautiful.  The violets ae coming up too, and I see rhubarb growing as I walk around the neighborhood.

Speaking of blooming plants– a little over a month ago I started taking a spoonful of locally produced honey everyday.  This is supposed to help with allergies– my parents do this and find it helpful.  I am not symptom-free, but I am much better than usual.   So I’m convinced.

Also– I am glad I set my goal to write everyday.  I wouldn’t have written tonight otherwise.

Well, I missed a day in my quest to blog every day in March.  I will not beat myself up about it– yesterday was busy and I didn’t have the time. That’s the way things go sometimes.

I had a meeting last night, my first one as a board member of an organization my daughter is involved with, one that used Shakespeare’s work to explore contemporary issues.  I really wasn’t anxious to join another board, but they seemed to be having trouble finding people willing, and it is an organization my daughter has greatly enjoyed being a part of, so I figured it was time for me to give back.  They are a small group and a little disorganized, and I think I have something to offer them.

One of the things discussed at the meeting was social bullying.  They had a problem with this last year, but the perpetrators had not returned this year so they were hoping it would not be an issue.  It surprised me to hear this, since my daughter never mentioned it.  I asked her about it later and she had no idea this was going on.  At the meeting they said it took place primarily on Facebook and twitter, and mostly it was older kids doing it to younger kids.  I found it troubling and said so.  A graduate student, who is working as an intern with the program, explained it a bit, and said that it is part of a process kids go through as they learn about social stratification, who is above them, who is below, what that means, etc.  She said it is a natural thing and that it is also seen in primates.

Now this woman is a very nice woman and does a great job with the kids.  I have no doubt that she’s learned a lot, and that the learning is based on extensive studies and observations done by skilled psychological and sociological observes.  But the whole thing made me uncomfortable, and I really did not like her using the word “natural”, which she used a few times in the discussion.  Nor did I like her comparing us to primates. The whole thing really got me thinking

I know we humans are primates.  As a Catholic, I do not have an issue with evolution.  I know God created the world.  He may have done it in 6 days, or he may have done it over many millenia.  Either way it is an amazing, miraculous thing.  In fact, the amount of patience implied in evolution is, to me, a marvel. I can understand we have evolved from primates, but it is also clear that we are something more.  I believe we are made in His image.  I think one (of many) objections Creationists have to evolution is that it implies that we are no different from animals, and that it is used as an excuse for things that are (or can be considered) morally objectionable.

Now, no one at the meeting was excusing the bullying or saying it was okay because that is just the way we are.  I think they sensed that I was uncomfortable and troubled by the whole thing and wanted me to know it wasn’t an uncommon thing.  In doing a little searching on the web today, I see it isn’t, and realize I have heard about this.  But I don’t agree that it is natural.  I think, to a certain extent, it is a construct of the school system, which groups children by age in a way that does not exist outside of school.  I think this in this particular case because it definitely involved older kids being mean to younger kids.

I’m glad that the perpetrators aren’t participating anymore, and I’m glad the organization addressed and continues to address the issue.  It’s also a situation I needed to be made aware of, not only as a parent with a child in the organization but in my capacity as a teacher of Faith Formation at my church.  But it’s such a troubling concept, and it’s given me food for thought and prayer. It has made me really glad that we homeschool. Most important, it has made me realize how important Christ’s teaching, that we love one another, really is.

Leap Day

February is usually not a month that needs to be longer, but this year February has been fairly mild and today is unseasonably warm.  It was 45 degrees when I woke up this morning– it’s strange to see snow melting and the gutters dripping on a February morning.  It’s mostly sunny and windy right now, but we have snow showers forecast for later.

I had an unexpected day off yesterday so had lunch with my friend Sue– it had been ages since we had time to sit & chat and it was good to catch up with her.  She’s had a lot going on in her life– more than I had realized.  She’d kinda pulled away recently, and I was wondering.  When friends pull away the insecure part of me thinks it’s because I’ve done something or because they are annoyed with me.  As I have gotten older and started to become a little more confident in myself, as well as a bit less self-centered, I realize that it is often a sign that there is something going on in their lives.  I try to respect that they need time, and I don’t want to pressure them, but I think I need to do a better job of reaching out and letting them know I’m available if they need me.

I managed to also get a few things done around the house yesterday.  I should have gone to the grocery store, we need a few things.  I was thinking of running over this morning and then remembered it was Wednesday, AKA “old people day” at the store.  I love old people, I really do, and I know I will be old someday, sooner than I care to think, in fact, but going to the store on old people day is just aggravating.  It’s crowded, it’s slow.  Also, I must look clueless or something because people always seem compelled to give me advice on what to buy.  I’m innocently looking at the difference between Brand x and Brand y of a given product and someone will come up and tell me which one I should get.  They mean well but I find it annoying– I can shop by myself, people, been doing it for years.  If I need advice I’ll ask.

Well, anyway.  With no classes this semester and the theatre guild job over, I have some time, and it’s a good feeling.  I’ve just set a goal for myself– I will blog every single day in March.  Scary!  But there it is, in writing.   Wish me luck!

 

Day of Rest

It’s a cool, sunny, windy Sunday.  I have many, many things that need to be done.  So far I’ve only done one– I’ve got a batch of bread dough rising.

The lawn needs mowing, I have a pile of brush that needs to be cleared out, some of my beds need to be weeded, I have some herbs to plant, and I have not yet finished clearing out the rose and peony bed.

Inside, the dining room table is covered with books, magazines, mail and miscellanea.  The living room is cluttered with clean laundry that needs to be folded, magazines, books, not-quite-empty tubes of hand cream. Cobwebs seems to stretch across every corner of every room.  The rugs are well-peppered with bits of who-knows-what, and there are drifts of dust bunnies on the hardwood floors around the edges of the rugs.

I have a bunch of stuff that needs to be done up at the theatre guild– monthly billings, a cleaning schedule, ordering rights for shows, bills to pay.

Instead, I’ve read some of those magazines lying around, ran an errand for totally non-essential personal care products, doodled around on the internet, and now I’m writing this little blog entry.  Do I feel guilty?  No, I do not.  I’m finally done with my class, I’ve had a long week at work, I’m heading into another long week at work, and I need a break.  My daughter is with her dad today so this is my one chance to have some time to myself, recharge a bit. Writing is something that helps me do that.  It is something I do not do enough.  I will enjoy it, guilt-free.