Sunday evening on the porch, my favorite place to be. After two humid days it’s a little cooler and dryer and a robin is singing its evening song in the tree out front. Very peaceful.
I worked on organizing a bit today. There is a built-in china hutch in my dining room. Daughter Madeline had tidied up part of one of the cupboards that she was using to store crafts, so I tidied up the rest of it and then tackled the drawer above it. It’s a bit of a catch-all and there were some interesting findings, including many old photos, including: my mother’s portrait taken when she graduated from nursing school; a photo of my great-uncle Max’s wedding; random photos of the kids at various ages; pictures of the children of friends and relatives from Christmas cards over the years; and a set of photos from a trip to Colorado the ex and I took back in 1988. (I resisted the urge to sit down and go through all of them, thus avoiding that time-trap.) In addition I found 4 obsolete cell-phones and a Sony Walkman (remember those?) along with various chargers, including a battery charger, the batteries for which have been missing for years. I will have to look up where to safely dispose of these.
I talked to an old friend today. G and I were real good friends years ago when we both had little kids together. She is a single mom, and I lived far from family, so we were very much each others’ support system back then. But she moved away, and we drifted apart, and for a while it seemed she only called when she needed money. I guess I got a little tired of that, and a little tired about hearing about problems that often seemed of her own making. Last summer, she called to say she was going to try to make it to Wisconsin. Around the time she thought she’d be here she called my cell, and I didn’t pick up the phone and I didn’t call her back. I was super busy and I had my own problems and worries and just didn’t feel like meeting up with her.
Well, I found out today she did not come up to Wisconsin last summer. She didn’t come because she suffered a bad injury while working– she lost the tip of one finger and almost lost half of another, on her dominant hand. So she was off work and going through surgery to reattach one finger and then plenty of physical therapy. That’s what she had been calling to tell me last year.
I’m happy to say she’s recovered and is doing fine, and is back pursuing her dream of a nursing degree. But I feel like a jerk. It occurs to me that it isn’t the first time I haven’t been there for a friend. I often let my own cares and worries keep my from being there, from reaching out. I know I have a right to place limits on what people expect of me, and that I sometimes need to take care of myself, and all that. But at that point in time, all she needed was someone to listen, and I didn’t do it. I wasn’t there for her, because I didn’t feel like dealing with it at that particular time. And rather than just listen to her, and find out what the situation was, and do what I could or was capable of, I just ignored her. I am ashamed of that, especially because she would never have done that to me. She’s a much better friend than I am.