Sunday Morning on the Porch

The porch is my favorite place to be on a summer morning, fresh air, peace and quiet.

I’ve lived through another week of school.  It’s intense, no question about that.  I have a check-off on skills and I have an exam this week.  I do have Monday off, though.  I worked two long days in a row yesterday and Friday, very tiring but tips were good.  Yesterday after 7+ hours on my feet, I walked home, discovered that my flower boxes were in desperate need of watering and rushed to do so, then had just enough time to change and rush over to 4:30 Mass. I got there just in time, so after kneeling for a quick prayer I stood for the entrance song, Act of Contrition, the Gloria and the Collect.  Of course, when I sat down for the readings, fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks.  I think I dozed off for a bit  during the sermon, which is not at all the fault of Fr. Mike, his sermon was great, I was just that tired.  I walked back home on legs that felt like lead weights.  I had wanted to take a bike ride but decided I needed to rest, so I relaxed and read for a bit, made myself a nice meal, then studied for a while.  And that was my exciting Saturday night!

I’m going to Mass here in town more often.  I still belong to my little church out in the country.  However with our new priest and new cluster, we only have Mass every other week at our church, and the other churches in our cluster are too far away to drive to.  So I just walk the 6 blocks to the one here in town.  I like it well enough, but I do prefer my own little church.  I miss seeing everyone.  I had been waffling about whether or not to teach Faith Formation this year but finally decided that I really need to step out.  I’ve been doing it for quite a few years, and although it has been a struggle at times I’ve mostly enjoyed it and I’ll miss it.  But I’ve been waiting for 3 years to do this PTA program, and it is rigorous and demands my attention.  So, I will step down and trust that the Lord will prompt someone to take my place.  After I graduate, I may be ready and able to teach again, in some capacity.  Or perhaps the Lord will have another task for me.   But with Mass there only 2 or 3 times a month, and with me not teaching, I will feel a little isolated from my little parish.  But maybe I will start to feel more at home at the church here in town?

Madeline has survived her first week at college and is doing reasonably well.  She’s still not used to it and feels a little uncertain, but I’m confident that she’ll be fine.  We finally talked a little on Friday night and she sounded tired, but good.  Tomorrow I will go to Dubuque to see Jacob’s new apartment, and I’ll bring my laptop so we can Skype with Madeline.

Then into another school week.  It’s easy to see that between school and work I will be very, very busy.  I will need to be sure to take care of myself and not push too much.  I am glad I did not try to do this program while the kids were still at home, it would have been difficult.  SOme of the people in my class do still have young kids at home, and they say it is hard.  But– it is only for 2 years!

Speaking of school– I still am in the yahoo group for homeschoolers here in town, and it is fun to see all the “not-back-to-school” activities and reminders about filing the forms for homeschooling.  I’m done with that!

June already!

Where did May go?  Such a busy, busy month.  Busy with work, and end of year stuff.  A lovely month full of blooming plants and allergies that kicked my butt.

Madeline finished up her schoolwork and is officially done with high school!  We will have a party for her in a week.  I had not originally planned to have a party– her brother was content with a dinner with family.  I grew up in a time and place when graduating from high school, while commendable, was not considered something that needed to be celebrated extravagantly.  I was surprised when we moved to this area to see the goings-on at graduation time: huge tents on the lawn; rented tables and chairs; catered meals ranging from pulled pork sandwiches with cheesy potatoes to gourmet hors d’oeuvre; guest lists in the hundreds.  Madeline’s party will be nothing like that.  We will have cake and probably some snack types foods– cheese tray and fruit tray and the like.  For beverages we thought we’d have a selection of iced teas.  The special part will be her artwork– we’ll remove all the pictures/painting on our walls and hang up her work!  We’re excited about that.  We’ll have some of our closest friends, and her paternal grandparents will be here too.  Should be fun, though I need to get moving on cleaning the house…

I’ve gotten her final homeschool transcript completed, signed by her dad and I, and mailed off.  Yesterday she received her housing assignment from college– it’s starting to seem real!  She already heard from one of her room-mates (she’ll share an apartment with 3 other girls).

Jacob finished his semester early in May, and did well, he should make Dean’s list again.  He went to Nationals with his flight team; they didn’t do particularly well as a team but he did all right individually, and he had a very good time.  He’s back in Dubuque for the summer, and has found a good sublet through mid-August, moved in today.  He just wasn’t happy in his last place, so I hope this suits for the summer, and I hope he finds something good for the fall.  He has one part-time job and will look for a second one, he’s also taking a 6-week summer class.

As of today I will no longer receive child support for Madeline.  That’s the way the law works in Wisconsin.  So money will be tighter from now on, but I’ve been prepared.  Both kids got good financial aid packages from their colleges; I did not, nor did I get any sort of scholarship, which surprised me.  I’m a little bitter about that, since I know I had a good application, but I remind myself that at least I still have the means to go to school– many don’t.

So here we are, in June, with my flower boxes planted and blooming on the porch, and my herbs growing in pots and in the side garden.  The daisies are blooming as well, and event the day lilies– they are both a bit early this year.  Mourning Doves have nested in the crab tree by the porch and the little ones watch me as I mow the lawn.  The  sunny days end in a long, lovely twilight, and I relish the peace whenever I have the chance.

Winding down…

Sunday evening, after yet another busy week/weekend.

Madeline finished both physics and pre-calculus this week!  And finished well– she gets B in both.  She says she will miss doing math, which I cannot relate to at all but is wonderful to hear!  Both my kids seem to have inherited their dad’s math aptitude, which is a blessing.  Madeline still will work on Spanish and writing, both of which are self-directed so my input will be minimal.  So we are into May and the school year is almost over.  Her piano recital is a week from today and then that will be done.  Most of her other activities continue into June but there is still a sense of winding down.

Jacob is almost done with his semester, classes are over and he just has 1 exam and a paper and he’s done.  However, he then heads off with the flight team for the national competition and will be gone 10 days.  He is still up in the air about his summer plans but will most likely stay in Dubuque, so it will be a little different around here this summer.  But that’s okay– he’s got things to do, and Madeline and I will be busy this summer too.  He passed the check-ride for his multi-engine rating this past week, another milestone for him.

I think we will have a party for Madeline’s graduation.  Jacob just wanted dinner with his sister an I, his dad and dad’s wife, and Uncle Bill.  It was only somewhat awkward.  That was 3 years ago, and since then their dad’s wife has become increasingly more unfriendly to me and Madeline would like to have other people around to offset the awkwardness, which is understandable and will also be fun.  Their dad has informed me it is my fault that wife is unfriendly; the kids have both assured me that I have been perfectly pleasant and cordial and done nothing to cause this.  And yes, they would tell me if I was behaving badly!  I had asked them about it because I feel bad– it makes it difficult for their dad and I to be together at their activities.  I actually thought the wife was a very nice person and thought we got on well at first but things deteriorated.   I still try to be pleasant and cordial but am not sure what else to do about it.  She has a lot of hostility towards me.  Ah well.

I cancelled my satellite TV this week, and am sort of regretting it at the moment since I can’t watch Mad Men or Sherlock tonight.  But I am pretty sure I will survive and will get to catch up eventually.  I did purchase a Roku unit and have set it up, so I’m feeling mildly tech-savvy.  It will save me some money.  This will be the last month I receive child support so it is time to make some changes.  I find it weird that child support in Wisconsin ends when they graduate or turn 18 (whichever comes last), yet I still have to feed and house them until they got to college.  I shouldn’t complain, though.  I’ve had things much better than many, many women (and men) who are divorced and raising children.

We made it to Mass at our own church this morning, I was lector and Madeline played piano & sang.  It was good to be there.  Father David’s sermon was about baptism and rebirth and nourishing ourselves through the Eucharist, it was excellent.  His sermons are always good but have been particularly so this Easter.

I’m still reading John Steinbeck’s Travels with Charlie  and loving it– I’ve even been reading it aloud to Madeline while she draws.  A nice side effect of no TV.

Down time

I just came off a busy, busy week.  The bosses were out-of-town from Thursday on so the rest of us worked threeverylong days at the cafe.  Friday was especially busy and I arrived home late and physically exhausted.  Saturday was better but we were all so tired we just endured.  I had yesterday and today off, and spent most of yesterday relaxing and getting my energy back.

After work on Saturday Madeline and I drove to Shullsburg and met Jacob there for dinner.   We had a nice dinner, and it was very good to see Jacob, he seemed to be well.  He’d run for president of the flight team and lost just this past week, but he was not overly upset about it.  He’s got one week left of classes and then finals, and he’s done with the semester.  Shullsburg is a very picturesque town, one of the oldest cities in Wisconsin, and as close t halfway between Monroe and Dubuque as we are likely to get.  I don’t know why we haven’t met there before but we definitely will again.  I just wish it had been warmer– it’s a lovely town to walk around in but it was too chilly on Saturday.

Madeline and I had a lovely chat on the way home– my kids and I always have the best talks in the car, it’s one of our favorite places for talking.  We talked a bit about where we used to live in the country, since we were driving near it.  I offered to go past it but she said she didn’t want to, it would make her feel too sad.  It’s always interesting to see what she remembers about things.  She lived in that house from age 5 to 11, 6 years.  She remembers it reasonably well, and liked it well enough. She liked when the field out front had corn in it, since it was fun to walk through, and when it had alfalfa and oats, because we played on the round bales.  She did not like the year there were soybeans– they smelled weird, and the dog smelled weird after running through it, and after the beans were harvested we had even more Asian ladybugs than usual (they eat the aphids in the beans).

Sunday we went to church here in town, it was a long Mass because 14 kids received First Communion, and it was beautiful.  Fr. Larry is the priest at St. Victors and he prays a beautiful Mass.  He did a great job with the kids.  After church we were pretty sluggish, but we were both tired and I make no excuses.

I’ve managed to get a few things done today, which is a good feeling.  I picked up our down comforters from the cleaners, I made bread dough, I followed up on taking a CPR course, and I cancelled out satellite TV.  The bill has been over $150 a month, and with child support ending after May, it is time to cut costs.  Of course, I am upgrading our internet connection and starting up my netflix subscription again, but I will still save about $50 per month overall.  I can live without satellite TV, but not internet…

I dropped Madeline off at homeschool gym today, and she and her friends looked so happy.  It was a good thing to see.

Milestone

Note: I wrote this on Wednesday 3/14 but forgot to publish it… Guess I thought I was going to write more but then didn’t.  So here it is.

Busy day.  Had a meeting early before work, then a long day at work.  It’s gorgeous out, but I didn’t get to spend much time outside– I did do a little weeding, though.

Today is my first-born child’s 21st birthday, a fact which amazes me.  It was also a lovely day 21 years ago, when he was born, though I didn’t get to enjoy the weather then either!  I became pregnant with him after trying for 9 months– I was beginning to think it wasn’t going to happen.  I can still remember how it felt when they placed him on my stomach to hold right after he was born– he was so solid and warm and real.  Becoming a mother changed me profoundly, and I am a better person today because of it.  He was in many ways a challenging child, and I didn’t always handle it as well as I should have, but we made it through.  It was because of him that we started homeschooling, which has been a wonderful journey for him, for his sister, and for me. Today he is a smart, hard-working, generous, fair-minded person, and  I am proud to have him as a son.  I am very blessed.

This morning I emailed his dad, saying “21 years ago it was a day as lovely as today.  I’m so glad we had our beautiful boy, who has grown in to a fine young man.”  He did not respond.  But I meant it, and in spite of all the hard times he and I have had, we did produce two wonderful kids, and that counts for something.

The Ides of March

No need to beware the Ides of March this year.  It’s another incredibly warm and beautiful day.  After I got home from work I spent some time doing yard work.  I really need to rake up the leaves, but I have nowhere to put them– I need to buy some big bags to bag them up.  Usually our city has free yard waste drop-off on certain dates, but I don’t see a schedule for it yet on the city website, so I may be forced to bag it up and pay $2/bag to have the city take it away.  I do compost, but I have way too many leaves to put in there.  This is one of the things that makes me miss living in the country– dealing with yard waste.  I seem to produce a lot of yard waste in spite of the fact that my yard is tiny.  Of course, much of the leaves come from my neighbors’ trees, which hang over my lawn and house, dropping leaves and branches and, in one case, black walnuts all over my yard (and in my gutters).  It hardly seems fair.  I’ve considered calling a tree service to have them trimmed back, but since both trees are near power lines it would be a bit pricey.  I’ve given up hoping that either neighbor will have the trees trimmed or removed– that’s just not going to happen.

When I was done with the yard work, I immediately hauled up one of my porch chairs, grabbed my laptop, and headed for the porch, which is where I am right now as I write this.  It’s glorious.  The sun is low in the west, it’s still quite warm out, the air smells good and the birds are singing.  I’ve been anxious to do this since the weather warmed but haven’t had time.  I’m tempted to bring up all the porch furniture but fear I’ll be tempting fate if I do so.

This afternoon at work I was busy making salad dressings and helping with clean-up.  A customer (with whom I am acquainted) was sitting up front knitting while she waited for her daughter to get out of school.  As I stumped around the kitchen on my tired feet I found myself snarkily thinking that I wished I had time to sit around and knit.  Then I remembered that at one point, I did.  When the kids were younger, we would often get together with other families, and the kids would play while the moms talked.  I would often knit then.  It was a pleasant time in our lives, when we would enjoy fun and fellowship.  I’m still in touch with a few of those friends, but some of us have drifted apart, which is okay– we didn’t have a lot in common other than homeschooling and mothering, and for some of us that is no longer the defining thing in our lives.  I cherish those memories, though, and the peace it brought to my spirit.  It occurred to me that this woman may not have had friends that she could be with in that way.  So I cut the snark and ended up chatting with her for a few minutes.

An interesting thing I remember about those get-togethers:  the husbands of the other woman (I was divorced by then) were very envious of the time we spent on these days.  It would usually take up a whole afternoon and sometimes go into the evening.  One certain woman usually hosted, she had a nice big house out in the country.  Her husband, who for the record was a very nice man, definitely seemed bothered by it, and seemed to think that both the moms and the kids were wasting time.  I think she felt guilty, so she started trying to schedule activities for the kids during that time, educational activities.  That way the afternoon wouldn’t be considered wasted.  I didn’t care for it, neither did most of the moms, and I’m reasonably certain all the kids hated it. I think there is great value in free time.  If I recall correctly, the gatherings stopped fairly soon after that.  That may not have been why, it may just be that the whole thing ran its course and we all moved on to other things.

I’m enjoying my own free time on the porch right now. I see people on bikes– I need to get my bike out and the tires pumped, I definitely want to bike more this year. I can smell a neighbor lighting up the grill– now there’s an idea.

Well, I missed a day in my quest to blog every day in March.  I will not beat myself up about it– yesterday was busy and I didn’t have the time. That’s the way things go sometimes.

I had a meeting last night, my first one as a board member of an organization my daughter is involved with, one that used Shakespeare’s work to explore contemporary issues.  I really wasn’t anxious to join another board, but they seemed to be having trouble finding people willing, and it is an organization my daughter has greatly enjoyed being a part of, so I figured it was time for me to give back.  They are a small group and a little disorganized, and I think I have something to offer them.

One of the things discussed at the meeting was social bullying.  They had a problem with this last year, but the perpetrators had not returned this year so they were hoping it would not be an issue.  It surprised me to hear this, since my daughter never mentioned it.  I asked her about it later and she had no idea this was going on.  At the meeting they said it took place primarily on Facebook and twitter, and mostly it was older kids doing it to younger kids.  I found it troubling and said so.  A graduate student, who is working as an intern with the program, explained it a bit, and said that it is part of a process kids go through as they learn about social stratification, who is above them, who is below, what that means, etc.  She said it is a natural thing and that it is also seen in primates.

Now this woman is a very nice woman and does a great job with the kids.  I have no doubt that she’s learned a lot, and that the learning is based on extensive studies and observations done by skilled psychological and sociological observes.  But the whole thing made me uncomfortable, and I really did not like her using the word “natural”, which she used a few times in the discussion.  Nor did I like her comparing us to primates. The whole thing really got me thinking

I know we humans are primates.  As a Catholic, I do not have an issue with evolution.  I know God created the world.  He may have done it in 6 days, or he may have done it over many millenia.  Either way it is an amazing, miraculous thing.  In fact, the amount of patience implied in evolution is, to me, a marvel. I can understand we have evolved from primates, but it is also clear that we are something more.  I believe we are made in His image.  I think one (of many) objections Creationists have to evolution is that it implies that we are no different from animals, and that it is used as an excuse for things that are (or can be considered) morally objectionable.

Now, no one at the meeting was excusing the bullying or saying it was okay because that is just the way we are.  I think they sensed that I was uncomfortable and troubled by the whole thing and wanted me to know it wasn’t an uncommon thing.  In doing a little searching on the web today, I see it isn’t, and realize I have heard about this.  But I don’t agree that it is natural.  I think, to a certain extent, it is a construct of the school system, which groups children by age in a way that does not exist outside of school.  I think this in this particular case because it definitely involved older kids being mean to younger kids.

I’m glad that the perpetrators aren’t participating anymore, and I’m glad the organization addressed and continues to address the issue.  It’s also a situation I needed to be made aware of, not only as a parent with a child in the organization but in my capacity as a teacher of Faith Formation at my church.  But it’s such a troubling concept, and it’s given me food for thought and prayer. It has made me really glad that we homeschool. Most important, it has made me realize how important Christ’s teaching, that we love one another, really is.

Saturday

I worked today, 7:30 to 2:30, and came home tired.  A good friend called, and ended up coming over for tea.  She is a fellow homeschooling mom, and had some questions– she hasn’t navigated the college application process yet and was worried. I never worried about college applications and transcripts.  I just was confident that both kids would get into college.  I guess it was a bit naive of me.  But both of them were accepted at every college they applied to, so I guess there was no need to worry.  I take homeschooling seriously and was very conscientious about it, and both kids worked hard at it, and it paid off.

Anyway. We drank tea and talked about that and all sorts of other things, and it was so fun just to spend time hanging out.  She mentioned that she had used her son’s PSAT scores to get the good-student discount for car insurance, rather than try to work up a report card.  (It worked.)  We chuckled at the irony of using standardized test scores to prove he was a good student– as homeschoolers we usually eschew such things.  We ended up going out to dinner, and it was a pleasant time– good conversation, catching up, and for her it was a nice break from life with 4 active sons.

Madeline spent the day skiing with her dad, and they then met up with Jacob for dinner.  She had fun.  I’m looking forward to a day off tomorrow, first one since last Sunday.

It’s been a while

I haven’t written in a while, not here and not in my own little journal.  I don’t know why.  I have felt the need to write, and it would have been helpful to my peace of mind to do so.

My folks arrived for an extended visit on August 22.  They seemed good, although my mom is starting to show her age (79 now) a bit more.  She’s a little less sharp and her hearing has gotten noticeably worse.  My dad fumbles for words a bit more but seems much the same at 83 as he did at 73, or 63 for that matter.  My mom did too much while she was here but I can’t seem to stop that and rarely try, though I did put my foot down when she wanted to start ripping out the downstairs bathroom so I could remodel.

Jacob headed back to college, and he’s living in an apartment instead of the dorms.  It’s an adjustment, but so far he likes it.  My class started up, it’s an online class in ethics and so far it’s been very interesting and very fun, though a bit more work than I expected. In October I will petition to get into the PTA program. Madeline began her schoolwork for her final year, which makes me realize that this will be a year of “last times” for her, and for me.

Today, for the 14th and last time, I filed my PI-1206 form, which is my formal declaration that she is in home-based, private education in compliance with Wisconsin’s compulsory attendance law.  Of all the forms I fill out in my life, PI-1206 is the simplest and most straightforward, thanks to the efforts of WPA, or Wisconsin Parenting Association (homeschooling-wpa.org), which is a watchdog and information group for homeschooling here.  Wisconsin has an excellent homeschooling law and I’m grateful for that, grateful that I’ve been able to homeschool my kids.  It’s been the best choice for both of them, for different reasons, and they have both done very well.

I look ahead to next fall, and think about how my life will be very different– both kids off in college, me hopefully in school again.  It’s going to be odd.  In many ways, I am ready to move ahead with my life– I’ve been mothering, and giving it my full attention, for over 20 years now.  Because of Jacob’s needs as a non-neurotypical, and because of the divorce, my kids have needed more attention than perhaps most kids do.  I’ve been happy to give that attention, but it definitely meant giving up some things– in terms of socializing, in terms of education for myself, a career for myself.  So although the future scares me at times, and there is a lot of uncertainty in the months and years ahead, I don’t deny that I’m looking forward to mothering myself for a bit.

However. Being a parent to my two children has been the most fulfilling, most rewarding work I have ever done, and if I had it all to do over I’d happily do it in a heartbeat.  I love my kids, but I also like them as people, I enjoy being with them.  I will treasure this last year with my daughter.