Porch weather

Sunday evening on the porch, my favorite place to be.  After two humid days it’s a little cooler and dryer and a robin is singing its evening song in the tree out front.  Very peaceful.

I worked on organizing a bit today.  There is a built-in china hutch in my dining room.  Daughter Madeline had tidied up part of one of the cupboards that she was using to store crafts, so I tidied up the rest of it and then tackled the drawer above it.  It’s a bit of a catch-all and there were some interesting findings, including many old photos, including: my mother’s portrait taken when she graduated from nursing school; a photo of my great-uncle Max’s wedding; random photos of the kids at various ages; pictures of the children of friends and relatives from Christmas cards over the years; and a set of photos from a trip to Colorado the ex and I took back in 1988.  (I resisted the urge to sit down and go through all of them, thus avoiding that time-trap.)  In addition I found 4 obsolete cell-phones and a Sony Walkman (remember those?) along with various chargers, including a battery charger, the batteries for which have been missing for years.  I will have to look up where to safely dispose of these.

I talked to an old friend today.  G and I were real good friends years ago when we both had little kids together.  She is a single mom, and I lived far from family, so we were very much each others’ support system back then.  But she moved away, and we drifted apart, and for a while it seemed she only called when she needed money.  I guess I got a little tired of that, and a little tired about hearing about problems that often seemed of her own making.  Last summer, she called to say she was going to try to make it to Wisconsin.  Around the time she thought she’d be here she called my cell, and I didn’t pick up the phone and I didn’t call her back.  I was super busy and I had my own problems and worries and just didn’t feel like meeting up with her.

Well, I found out today she did not come up to Wisconsin last summer.  She didn’t come because she suffered a bad injury while working– she lost the tip of one finger and almost lost half of another, on her dominant hand.  So she was off work and going through surgery to reattach one finger and then plenty of physical therapy.  That’s what she had been calling to tell me last year.

I’m happy to say she’s recovered and is doing fine, and is back pursuing her dream of a nursing degree.  But I feel like a jerk.  It occurs to me that it isn’t the first time I haven’t been there for a friend.  I often let my own cares and worries keep my from being there, from reaching out.  I know I have a right to place limits on what people expect of me, and that I sometimes need to take care of myself, and all that.  But at that point in time, all she needed was someone to listen, and I didn’t do it.  I wasn’t there for her, because I didn’t feel like dealing with it at that particular time.  And rather than just listen to her, and find out what the situation was, and do what I could or was capable of, I just ignored her.  I am ashamed of that, especially because she would never have done that to me.  She’s a much better friend than I am.

Saturday

I worked today, 7:30 to 2:30, and came home tired.  A good friend called, and ended up coming over for tea.  She is a fellow homeschooling mom, and had some questions– she hasn’t navigated the college application process yet and was worried. I never worried about college applications and transcripts.  I just was confident that both kids would get into college.  I guess it was a bit naive of me.  But both of them were accepted at every college they applied to, so I guess there was no need to worry.  I take homeschooling seriously and was very conscientious about it, and both kids worked hard at it, and it paid off.

Anyway. We drank tea and talked about that and all sorts of other things, and it was so fun just to spend time hanging out.  She mentioned that she had used her son’s PSAT scores to get the good-student discount for car insurance, rather than try to work up a report card.  (It worked.)  We chuckled at the irony of using standardized test scores to prove he was a good student– as homeschoolers we usually eschew such things.  We ended up going out to dinner, and it was a pleasant time– good conversation, catching up, and for her it was a nice break from life with 4 active sons.

Madeline spent the day skiing with her dad, and they then met up with Jacob for dinner.  She had fun.  I’m looking forward to a day off tomorrow, first one since last Sunday.

Leap Day

February is usually not a month that needs to be longer, but this year February has been fairly mild and today is unseasonably warm.  It was 45 degrees when I woke up this morning– it’s strange to see snow melting and the gutters dripping on a February morning.  It’s mostly sunny and windy right now, but we have snow showers forecast for later.

I had an unexpected day off yesterday so had lunch with my friend Sue– it had been ages since we had time to sit & chat and it was good to catch up with her.  She’s had a lot going on in her life– more than I had realized.  She’d kinda pulled away recently, and I was wondering.  When friends pull away the insecure part of me thinks it’s because I’ve done something or because they are annoyed with me.  As I have gotten older and started to become a little more confident in myself, as well as a bit less self-centered, I realize that it is often a sign that there is something going on in their lives.  I try to respect that they need time, and I don’t want to pressure them, but I think I need to do a better job of reaching out and letting them know I’m available if they need me.

I managed to also get a few things done around the house yesterday.  I should have gone to the grocery store, we need a few things.  I was thinking of running over this morning and then remembered it was Wednesday, AKA “old people day” at the store.  I love old people, I really do, and I know I will be old someday, sooner than I care to think, in fact, but going to the store on old people day is just aggravating.  It’s crowded, it’s slow.  Also, I must look clueless or something because people always seem compelled to give me advice on what to buy.  I’m innocently looking at the difference between Brand x and Brand y of a given product and someone will come up and tell me which one I should get.  They mean well but I find it annoying– I can shop by myself, people, been doing it for years.  If I need advice I’ll ask.

Well, anyway.  With no classes this semester and the theatre guild job over, I have some time, and it’s a good feeling.  I’ve just set a goal for myself– I will blog every single day in March.  Scary!  But there it is, in writing.   Wish me luck!