Sunday Morning on the Porch

The porch is my favorite place to be on a summer morning, fresh air, peace and quiet.

I’ve lived through another week of school.  It’s intense, no question about that.  I have a check-off on skills and I have an exam this week.  I do have Monday off, though.  I worked two long days in a row yesterday and Friday, very tiring but tips were good.  Yesterday after 7+ hours on my feet, I walked home, discovered that my flower boxes were in desperate need of watering and rushed to do so, then had just enough time to change and rush over to 4:30 Mass. I got there just in time, so after kneeling for a quick prayer I stood for the entrance song, Act of Contrition, the Gloria and the Collect.  Of course, when I sat down for the readings, fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks.  I think I dozed off for a bit  during the sermon, which is not at all the fault of Fr. Mike, his sermon was great, I was just that tired.  I walked back home on legs that felt like lead weights.  I had wanted to take a bike ride but decided I needed to rest, so I relaxed and read for a bit, made myself a nice meal, then studied for a while.  And that was my exciting Saturday night!

I’m going to Mass here in town more often.  I still belong to my little church out in the country.  However with our new priest and new cluster, we only have Mass every other week at our church, and the other churches in our cluster are too far away to drive to.  So I just walk the 6 blocks to the one here in town.  I like it well enough, but I do prefer my own little church.  I miss seeing everyone.  I had been waffling about whether or not to teach Faith Formation this year but finally decided that I really need to step out.  I’ve been doing it for quite a few years, and although it has been a struggle at times I’ve mostly enjoyed it and I’ll miss it.  But I’ve been waiting for 3 years to do this PTA program, and it is rigorous and demands my attention.  So, I will step down and trust that the Lord will prompt someone to take my place.  After I graduate, I may be ready and able to teach again, in some capacity.  Or perhaps the Lord will have another task for me.   But with Mass there only 2 or 3 times a month, and with me not teaching, I will feel a little isolated from my little parish.  But maybe I will start to feel more at home at the church here in town?

Madeline has survived her first week at college and is doing reasonably well.  She’s still not used to it and feels a little uncertain, but I’m confident that she’ll be fine.  We finally talked a little on Friday night and she sounded tired, but good.  Tomorrow I will go to Dubuque to see Jacob’s new apartment, and I’ll bring my laptop so we can Skype with Madeline.

Then into another school week.  It’s easy to see that between school and work I will be very, very busy.  I will need to be sure to take care of myself and not push too much.  I am glad I did not try to do this program while the kids were still at home, it would have been difficult.  SOme of the people in my class do still have young kids at home, and they say it is hard.  But– it is only for 2 years!

Speaking of school– I still am in the yahoo group for homeschoolers here in town, and it is fun to see all the “not-back-to-school” activities and reminders about filing the forms for homeschooling.  I’m done with that!

Farewell to Fr. David

Seven and one-half years ago Fr. David became the priest for our cluster of 4 parishes.  Our former pastor, Fr. Fitz, had died in May, 2003, and since then we were served by a rotation of retired priests.  We weren’t even sure we would get a new priest assigned to us.  There is a shortage of priests in the Catholic church, and we’d been warned our churches may be closed.  When we heard Fr. David was to be assigned to us, we were thrilled to get a priest– any priest.

Enter Fr. David, a new priest but not a young one.  He had been a teacher for a while, then entered the Peace Corps, then after that entered seminary.  He had a beard and mustache, and long hair he kept pulled back in a pony tail.  He drove a tiny old car with a peace sign on the back.  Not quite what our little, rural church was expecting, but we loved him right from the start.

Fr. David is a kind, generous man, with a heart for the Eucharist and a passion for social justice.  He was patient with us, slowly but firmly getting our Liturgies and our parishes better in line with what was expected by the Diocese.  He listened to our complaints with great forbearance.  He shared in the difficult decisions.  He brought together our parishes and helped us all to learn to share, to be generous– not an easy task with four independent, proud parishes!

I was on the parish council for 3 years during that time, and was always impressed with how well he handled things.  Change comes hard to people, and we had a lot of changes coming from the Diocese during his tenure.  He was so patient with our complaints and questions, he was sympathetic to our concerns, yet he never wavered in doing what he needed to do.  It could not have been easy.  He helped at our Faith Formation classes for the middle and high school students, and my co-teacher and I were very grateful to him for that– not all priests are so generous with their time.

While he was our priest he traveled to Cuba, Guatemala and Mexico, and always shared his experiences afterwards.  Several years ago he took a sabbatical in the Holy Land, an experience which touched him deeply.  He brought his experiences there into his sermons, enriching us all.  He  did a PowerPoint presentation of it for our Faith Formation classes, and the kids were almost mesmerized by it– it was a wonderful thing for them to see.

I knew he wouldn’t be with us forever, and had a feeling this would be the year he was transferred.  I’m sad to see him go, but I’m grateful for the time we had with him.  He is the priest my kids will most remember from their childhood, and I could not ask for a better priest for them than this man, who combined a firm devotion to the Church and the Eucharist and a commitment to live out the command of Jesus to serve others.

His new parishes will be blessed to have him.

As for our cluster of 4 parishes, we have been split up, with 2 joining one cluster and 2 another.  This Sunday will be our first Mass with our new priest.  I have heard very good things about him.  I know there will be adjustments and I’ve already experienced the fears and complaints of some of my fellow parishioners, but most of us are choosing to trust that the Spirit is at work and that, as Julian of Norwich said, All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

…………

In other news, it is Independence Day, it is 10:30 in the morning , and the temperature is already 91.  Zoinks!

Monday morning

Monday morning doesn’t seem like the best time to post but I have some time and figured I’d better use it.

I did not have to work this Saturday, which was great, since the city had free yard waste drop-off on Saturday morning.  I dropped off four big bags of leaves & weeds and one big box of sticks and branches.  It took two trips in my little car.  It felt good to get that done.  I also baked some bread on Saturday but other than that did not really accomplish a whole lot.  I did start sorting through the 2 book-cases in my dining room.  I have piles of stuff on the dining room table, there because there is no where else to put them.  So in order to clear off the table I need to make space.  I found some of the kids’ writing samples from years ago, it was fun to look through them.  I even found the essays I had them write on the 5th anniversary of 9/11.  Very interesting to re-read their impressions of that day.  Of course, once I started reading everything I came across progress in the sorting stopped.

Yesterday I took Madeline and 3 of her friends to see a movie.  It was a bit of a drive and it was interesting listening to the kids talk– it was mostly the two boys a long, and those boys sure spend a lot of time playing video/computer games.  My kids are not big on that, mostly because their dad and I never bought them any.  No regrets on that decision, really.  Jacob plays sometimes now that he is in college, but he’s not real good at them so he doesn’t much enjoy it.  I suppose it would have been a way for him to connect with friends, but I don’t know.  He’s doing so well and has such interests,  and the games do seem to be a massive time-sink for many people.  This weekend, Madeline spent her time working at her job, or working on an animation project due this week, or just working on her drawing skills, or reading.   Jacob worked on an application for an internship, on campaigning for president of his flight team, on homework.  The boys in the car spent hours playing video games.  I repeat: no regrets.

I’ve been reading Jack Kerouac’s On the Road.  I’d never read it and thought I should.  I’m not too far in but can’t say I’m enjoying it.  I like the parts where he is traveling, but I’m at the part where he is in Denver with his friends and it is not engaging me at all.  I suspect when I was in my twenties

Holy Week

It’s Good Friday.  I’ve been enriched by the Holy Week services.

Palm Sunday at our little church was very nice this year.  We had a good turnout, the music was lovely, and the lectors did a great job reading the Passion. When I was younger I often found it too long, but not anymore.  It’s the perfect way to start the week.

On Tuesday I had dinner with my co-teacher for Faith Formation and with Fr. David, then we went to the Chrism Mass.  It’s the third time I’ve been to the Chrism Mass, and I really find it uplifting.  The Diocesan Choir sings, the music is always exceptional, and the Liturgy is beautiful.  There is something about seeing all the priest of the Diocese, along with the seminarians, that touches me.  They always seem so happy to be there, to be together.  The Bishop got a little political during his homily, which is understandable given the current situation with the new health care law, but I would prefer not to have politics in the pulpit.  The blessing and distribution of oils is always lovely.  I especially enjoyed being in a big church full with enthusiastic fellow Catholics!  It’s very encouraging.

We had our second-to-last Faith Formation class Wednesday.  It included the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  All but 2 kids chose to partake of it.  I went, and it was good.  I’ve grown to appreciate it.  I was proud of the kids, too.

Jacob arrived home from college last evening in time to grab a quick bite and then head to Holy Thursday Mass.  The Mass of the Lord’s Supper was for many years my favorite of the Sacred Triduum services.  I love the readings, remembering the first Passover, and the institution of the Eucharist, and the washing of feet as a reminder of Christ’s call to service.  I have always loved the incense, the procession and reposit of the Blessed Sacrament, and singing Tantum Ergo.   It’s a ritual I remember from my earliest days and I love it.  The service was lovely, and Fr. David’s sermon was great, but there were not a lot of people there.  Because Fr. D has 4 churches, we rotate the Triduum Masses so each church gets a different one of the services.  I don’t know why, but this Church never seems to have good attendance for Holy Thursday.  There were very few young kids there,which is always disappointing.

As always, I worked today so was unable to go to the Good Friday service– it has been years since I’ve gone.  But tonight I went to a nearby Catholic church to see a mime performance of the Passion.  Sounds strange, right?  I’m not a fan of mime, but this was absolutely amazing.  Their high school Faith Formation classes did this, and they did a beautiful job.  Rich in symbolism, respectful, not rushed, no silliness, the kids should be very, very proud.  In the past I’ve often felt I don’t focus on the Crucifixion enough, and viewing this beautiful performance helped me with that.  I came home and read the readings for today, and am feeling a little more focused on things.

Tomorrow– the Easter Vigil!  The kids and I love it.  It is at our own church, for the second year in a row, and I’m really looking forward to it. I know not everyone likes the longer service, but I do– the readings are always especially beautiful, as they take us through Salvation history.  Such a deep, meaningful, joyous time.

Falling down

Well, I did pretty well with blogging everyday until these last few days.  It’s a pity to fall down at the end but there it is.  It was partly due to being busy– I had to prepare for my faith formation class on Wednesday and it took more time than anticipated.  It’s also due to readingThe Hunger Games, which I enjoyed.

My class went well, the kids enjoyed the Seder food (unleavened bread, celery, charoset, hard-boiled eggs, grape juice) and responded well too learning about Passover and the Last Supper.  We followed it with Stations of the Cross, which also went well.  The kids always enjoy that, probably because they get to participate.  They always do better when they can be more active.

I’ve been intrigued by what I’ve heard about the hunger games, so I plowed through the book this week and saw the movie last night with my daughter and one of my friends.  I liked both.  The book isn’t great literature and the ideas are not necessarily anything new but the author did a good job of putting it together and there is some good social commentary in it.  I liked the movie as well, in spite of the violence– I think they did a good job of portraying the brutality.

As for giving up sweets for Lent, well, I’ve fallen down there, too.  Things were going mostly well, but this week I’ve been a bit PMS-y and it was getting herder.  I was also getting crabbier and crabbier.  One of the problems with being peri-menopausal is that I seem to get stuck in a phase of my cycle for weeks.  Right now I’m stuck at the crabby-and-craving-chocolate phase.  (I’ve cheated here and there but have not had chocolate at all. )  Yesterday at work, after dealing with a rude customer, I mentioned to the gang that I was craving chocolate and wanting to kill people.  J. pointed out that, if I couldn’t eat chocolate, that left killing people as my only option, and K. told me to just eat some chocolate already.  So I did, and I’m not going to lie, I feel much better.

I’m hoping to leave it there and finish Holy Week in a good way.  Hopefully…. Philippians 4:13, right?

Cold Again

March is always a fickle month; the proof of this is the weather today, 34 degrees when I woke up.  It’s been cool, cloudy and windy all day. Maybe the cooler weather will keep the grass from growing so fast– I already need to mow my lawn!  I’m putting it off, because once I start, I’ll be mowing until October.  But if I don’t do it in the next day or two, it will be too long for my reel mower…

Right now I’m sitting at the box office at the theatre guild, and sales are not quite non-existent.  Hopefully they will pick up later this week; our little group needs the money from this show badly . Anticipating slow sales, I hauled along my laptop, and I’ve had some uninterrupted time to work on things.  I’ve written my little essay for my scholarship application, which I hope to mail off tomorrow and be done with.  I’ve also worked on my lesson plans and modified Seder for class Wednesday evening, so that’s almost done. I’m working to keep the focus on how the Seder relates to our own Eucharistic Liturgy, while hopefully giving the kids a taste of how the New Covenant proceeds from the Old.  All this while not running too long or boring them.

Rather than the usual pizza snack, I’m having them munch on our little Passover meal while we talk about it.  I spent some time searching for recipes for unleavened bread.  3 years ago, when I first did my much-too-complicated Seder, I found a really nice, tasty recipe for unleavened bread.   I actually used it for the Last Supper scene in Godspell, which our theatre guild was doing at the time.  It’s possible I wrote it down somewhere, but so far I have not been able to find it, though I’ve found a few that look similar.  I also need to get apples and nuts for charoseth, and of course hard-boiled eggs, and grape juice.   Maybe celery for the bitter herbs.  I won’t do the horseradish, last time I did and the kids did NOT like it.  Too hot!

Since I spent so much time on Sunday reading, I was feeling a little stressed and rather behind on things, so having this time to work on stuff has been very nice.  Still, I wouldn’t mind doing a few sales…

I missed a day of blogging again but for a good reason.  Yesterday was just plain busy.  I had work and then Faith Formation in the evening.  I had today off, which was lovely.  I managed to get some errands done,and I put the screens in the windows.  It’s been quite warm for a few weeks and the house has been quite stuffy, but I’ve help back from putting the screens in, mostly because I’ve been busy but also because it just seemed too early.  Plus the screens are new ones to go with the new windows, and I had to get them out of their boxes and haul out the ladder… it was a bit of a job!  But they are in now and the windows are open and the fresh air is coming in.

Faith Formation went well last night.  We had a decent turnout, only one of our regulars missed.  I’d hoped to see some of our not-so-regulars there but no luck.  I really need to find a way to reach out to them and encourage them to come.  Anyway, we talked about Holy Week, starting with Palm Sunday and the Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem touching on the cleansing of the Temple, and finishing with the Last Supper and the garden of Gethsemane.  Then we actually showed a few scenes from “Jesus Christ, Superstar”.  I think the kids liked it, we hoped it would bring the Gospel stories alive for the kids.  Next week we will do avery modified Passover Seder/Last Supper.

I did this once before with another class about 3 years ago.  I’d worked long and hard, researched extensively, made all the food, brought nice candlesticks & table linens, the whole nine yards.  It was interesting and fun but I definitely got a bit carried away and it was a little too much.  I love this kind of stuff so it is easy for me to overdo it.  Years ago I went to a Seder presentation by Jews for Jesus at a friend’s church.  It was a Bible church, and I found it curious that many of the people at the church weren’t particularly aware that the Last Supper was a Seder.  I had always been aware of it, since in the Catholic Liturgy the readings for Holy Thursday’s Mass of the Lord’s Supper includes the story of the first Passover from the Book of Exodus.  The Seder and accompanying explanation from the representative for Js for J was very interesting, and I was so fascinated to realize how directly the Eucharistic Liturgy draws from it. This spurred a curiosity that has had me delving deeper into Catholicism, something I have enjoyed very much.   Hopefully I can come up with something by next week that will educate the kids without overwhelming them!

I was able to get to church early enough to participate in Stations of the Cross and Benediction, along with about 10 other people.  The Stations are a lovely devotional activity for Lent.  It makes me really think about my behavior, and I was forced to admit that I’d not been really doing well in some areas.  We’ll do reconciliation for our class during Holy Week and I know I’m in need of it.

 

Time runs along

I realized yesterday that June is half gone!  What a depressing thought.  I feel like I’m spinning my wheels lately.  I feel like I never get done the things I want to.

The first two days of this week were hellish.  Things have been busy at the cafe where I work, and I’m working a much longer day than usual, often 7 hours or more.  This is fine, it’s good to be busy and with tips, the money is good.  I also am working at our little theatre group, doing some of the office work.  Lately I haven’t been able to get there during the day, which usually isn’t a problem, but this week we started selling tickets for our upcoming show.  Long story short:  Monday and Tuesday, I left the house a little after 8 in the morning, put in a full day at the cafe, then headed over to the theatre and put in several hours there.  By Tuesday night I was close to tears. I realized a few things at that point.

One is, that I am only one person and I can only do so much.  The timing of things this week did not work out well, but I did the best I could.

Another is that it can’t all depend on me and doesn’t all depend on me.  If I need help I must ask, and if I don’t get the help I need that is not my problem.  The fact that everyone leaves it to me does not obligate me to do it.

Most important, I realize that I have too many things right now that take me away from my family.  I need to reassess things and make my family a priority again.

So I am taking control of my life as best I can for the next few weeks, and after that I will think long and hard about the theatre job. It may be time to let that go.

On a more pleasant note, yesterday and today I am finishing up the last two courses in basic theology offered by the Diocese.  I’ve enjoyed them and it’s been a nice refresher for my faith.  It also has me seriously considering teaching faith formation again in the fall.

Also– strawberry season is here!

Aaahh!

It’s April 10th!  The day I’ve been waiting for.

Madeline was confirmed last night.  It was a lovely service in a pretty church (St. Mary’s in Platteville).  She looked lovely.  I was so proud of her for going through with this and for taking it seriously– my daughter has a heart for God and I am often humbled by her.  Her brother came from Dubuque for the service, which pleased her immensely– he was a little late, so she didn’t see him when she walked in, but after she went up for the sacrament she saw him and was so thrilled.  Her dad was there also, somewhat reluctantly, and often checked the time and occasionally texted the wife.  I realize he no longer believes in the faith that he once shared with us, but he could at least be courteous.  Anyway, at least he came.

My play is done, and I was very ready to be done with it.  It went well and was a good thing for our Guild, but not real fun.

I have faith formation tonight, and then I am done with that.  I will not do it again next year.  It takes a lot of time, and travel, and I don’t enjoy it at all.  If I were at all good at it I would be willing to persevere, but I am not good at it, not effective, so I think it is time to step down.  It is making me crabby and there is no point to it.

I have a physics test tomorrow.  I was working on my homework problems and had trouble with one– even with the answer in the back of the book, I can’t figure out what I’m doing wrong.  The teacher will go over the problems before the test, but it makes me very nervous.  For some reason this latest chapter has not clicked well for me.

I had given up sweets for Lent and was doing pretty well, but between my birthday and doing a show I’ve really lapsed.  I will try again, though, and hope to finish the last two weeks of lent strong– with God’s grace.

Just a few more weeks

That is what I have been telling myself.

Just a few more weeks, and spring will really be here.  We had some warm weather a week ago, and now we are back to cold weather, but spring will come, it always does.  The tulips and daffodils are already starting to come up, and it gives me a sense of hope and joy to see them.

Just a few more weeks, and the play I am working on will be done.  You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown has taken more of my time than I thought (though by now I should now better) but has not been as fun an experience as I hoped.  The musical director has been very difficult, and the artistic director has had a hard time dealing with her.  I’d volunteered to be stage manager but also ended up as producer.  I don’t usually mind that, it usually just means dealing with all the not-fun parts of doing a show (publicity, ticket sales, programs) but due to director-issues I’ve had to do a lot more.  I won’t say I’ve done them well, but no one has walked (yet) and the show should be a good one.  Community theatre can be a source of such fun and creativity and growth and joy, but it can also be a pit of egotism and narcissism and vicious back-stabbing.

Just a few more weeks, and I will be done teaching Faith Formation.  It has not gone well.  I really did try harder this semester, but just couldn’t seem to overcome the many problems– a less-than-ideal classroom space, a very difficult and uninterested class, and a schedule that alternated between Sundays and Wednesdays.  We had some special things planned and most of the kids did not show up for them.  I have 2 more classroom classes and one more special event– I already told my co-teacher that we have to get a firm idea of who will be going to the special event.  I do not want to drive an hour away for something the kids won’t even show up for.  Anyway– I do not know if I will continue teaching.  I’m clearly not very good at it.

So– a few tough, extremely busy weeks to get through.  On April 9th, the play is over, daughter will be confirmed so her RE classes will be over, and I’ll have one last class to teach on the 10th and that will be over.  By then spring may really be here.