School has been intense, but it us going well.  The program I’m in is fast-paced, and we have frequent exams and skill check-offs.  The check-offs have been an adjustment for me.  I’m fine with all the book-learning, but learning and then demonstrating skills has been a challenge for me– I’m more the intellectual/theoretical type.  The scary thing is that if you only get three chances to pass a check-off, if you don’t pass on the third try you are out of the program.

And guess who failed her first 2 check-offs on transfers?  Yep, that’s right.  Me.  For a stupid reason.  The same one both times.  Forgot to check the brakes on the bed for the first one.  On the second one I checked the brakes on the wheelchair, of course I did.  Just not carefully– one wasn’t fully set.  I was sweating bullets on that third one.  In the time between the second and third, I had a long, hard talk with myself.  The truth is I have a tendency to be a bit careless.  The truth is I sometimes forget to focus.  The truth is, sometimes instead of being in the moment I am looking ahead or looking behind or just not paying attention in some other way.  I had to be honest with myself about this, and I had to admit and accept that I would need to change that in order to get through the program.  I had to work hard at it.

I’ve been doing it.  The third check-off went well, and my next two I passed on the 1st try.  I’d like to keep it that way!  It’s been a good feeling to do as well as I have, and the changes I’ve made are good for me in life as well as school.  I think it would have been beneficial for me to have this attitude change many years ago.  Not that I’m all perfect now, it’s going to be an ongoing process, but one that will be very good for me.

I had some moments of despair before that third check-off.  I mentioned to a friend that I was beginning to think maybe God was trying to tell me this wasn’t for me.  Teresa wisely said “I wouldn’t consider it so until God closes the door.”  Just the reminder I needed!  I’ve taken to praying before check-offs and tests, and it’s become obvious already that the Lord is helping me through this.  So I continue to work hard and trust!

I like my classmates and we’ve all gotten close and are getting along well.  I’m still working at the cafe 3 days/week too.  But I’ve really had to drop out of quite a few things.  I haven’t had any time for theatre guild stuff, and I miss it.  I had to give up teaching Faith Formation and that was hard.  But I felt strongly that I needed to do that and it will only be for a few years.

I miss having church at my home church.  We only have Mass there 2-3 times per month, so the other Sundays I go to the church near my house.  It’s a bigger church and it’s a nice one, a good parish.  I know many people there and the priest is wonderful, but I just don’t feel quite at home there.  Maybe it will change as I go there more often…

In other news… Madeline has adjusted to college life pretty well.  She’s been a bit homesick and she misses her friends terribly, but she’s meeting new people and she enjoys her classes very much.  Jacob started his last year of college and is doing very well, quite busy but in good ways and happy for the most part.  I am looking forward to Thanksgiving when I can see them both!

In the meantime,  we all keep busy busy busy.

I’ve lived through another week of school.  It’s intense, no question about that.  I have a check-off on skills and I have an exam this week.  I do have Monday off, though.  I worked two long days in a row yesterday and Friday, very tiring but tips were good.  Yesterday after 7+ hours on my feet, I walked home, discovered that my flower boxes were in desperate need of watering and rushed to do so, then had just enough time to change and rush over to 4:30 Mass. I got there just in time, so after kneeling for a quick prayer I stood for the entrance song, Act of Contrition, the Gloria and the Collect.  Of course, when I sat down for the readings, fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks.  I think I dozed off for a bit  during the sermon, which is not at all the fault of Fr. Mike, his sermon was great, I was just that tired.  I walked back home on legs that felt like lead weights.  I had wanted to take a bike ride but decided I needed to rest, so I relaxed and read for a bit, made myself a nice meal, then studied for a while.  And that was my exciting Saturday night!

I’m going to Mass here in town more often.  I still belong to my little church out in the country.  However with our new priest and new cluster, we only have Mass every other week at our church, and the other churches in our cluster are too far away to drive to.  So I just walk the 6 blocks to the one here in town.  I like it well enough, but I do prefer my own little church.  I miss seeing everyone.  I had been waffling about whether or not to teach Faith Formation this year but finally decided that I really need to step out.  I’ve been doing it for quite a few years, and although it has been a struggle at times I’ve mostly enjoyed it and I’ll miss it.  But I’ve been waiting for 3 years to do this PTA program, and it is rigorous and demands my attention.  So, I will step down and trust that the Lord will prompt someone to take my place.  After I graduate, I may be ready and able to teach again, in some capacity.  Or perhaps the Lord will have another task for me.   But with Mass there only 2 or 3 times a month, and with me not teaching, I will feel a little isolated from my little parish.  But maybe I will start to feel more at home at the church here in town?

Madeline has survived her first week at college and is doing reasonably well.  She’s still not used to it and feels a little uncertain, but I’m confident that she’ll be fine.  We finally talked a little on Friday night and she sounded tired, but good.  Tomorrow I will go to Dubuque to see Jacob’s new apartment, and I’ll bring my laptop so we can Skype with Madeline.

Then into another school week.  It’s easy to see that between school and work I will be very, very busy.  I will need to be sure to take care of myself and not push too much.  I am glad I did not try to do this program while the kids were still at home, it would have been difficult.  SOme of the people in my class do still have young kids at home, and they say it is hard.  But– it is only for 2 years!

Speaking of school– I still am in the yahoo group for homeschoolers here in town, and it is fun to see all the “not-back-to-school” activities and reminders about filing the forms for homeschooling.  I’m done with that!

We recently took our summer vacation, up in Grand Marais, MI again.  We had a lovely time, lots of hiking and swimming and biking.  We spent a lot of time outside and that felt good– between being busy-busy and the dreadful hot weather, we hadn’t been outside much this summer.  We thoroughly enjoyed our time and returned home refreshed.  it is likely that the three of us won’t make it up there again next summer– Jacob will have graduated from college and will hopefully have a job, and I may not be able to afford the time off.

I had put off doing things and thinking about things all summer by saying “I’ll do that in August”.  We came back from vacation the first weekend of August and hit the ground running.

Jacob headed back to Dubuque.  Another person had moved into the apartment he was subletting while we were on vacation, and when Jacob got there he found that much of his stuff was missing, and some of it was in the new guy’s room!  He got some of his stuff back, but did not feel comfortable staying there and moved out immediately.  He found a nice new place to move and is living alone– he’s a little tired of sharing living space, which is normal for a senior in college, I think.  He achieved a dream of his this summer when he became a Certified Flight Instructor-Instrument, and he’s been hired by the university as a flight instructor.  He doesn’t have any regular students but will be available for extra flying and longer flights for students.

I started my Physical Therapist Assistant classes on Aug. 20.  I’m with a great group of people, most of them older students, and although it will be a busy and tough year it will also be fun and interesting.  A challenge like this is good for me.

Madeline is off to college.  She went up with her dad on Thursday, I headed up on Friday to do the family orientation on Saturday.  She was tired when I saw her Friday evening, and she was a bit stressed, but by Saturday she seemed a bit better.  Her dad and I sat together and got along fine through the whole thing so that was a blessing.  Her college is  small art school but a very good one, and I think she will be challenged but will thrive.  I cried a little when we said our goodbyes– tried not to, since I knew it would make it hard for her.  I told her they were good tears– I am proud of her, and it’s a thrill to see her starting out on this journey.  I won’t see her again until Thanksgiving, and she will be different by then, she’ll have experienced new and ideas and people.  Such an exciting time in her life.  She said she was very ready for a change.

So here I am, home alone.  My parents were with us for the last two weeks.  They were a huge help in getting things ready for Madeline– since I was in class the week she was leaving.  With Madeline and Jacob still home, the house was pretty full, but now it is empty.  I feel okay about it for the moment.  I know there will be some loneliness ahead, but I will be very busy and hopefully enjoying this new stage of life.

This past weekend was a big one for son Jacob.  He passed the check ride for his CFII certification.  He is now a certified flight instructor for both private pilot and instrument.  This is good because he is now eligible to be an instructor at the school he attends, and because it means that the bulk of his flight training is over.  So a big milestone for him, and he’s about the happiest he’s ever been.
On Tuesday Madeline and I went up to American Players Theatre with the Shakespeare group she belongs to.   There were about 30 of us total, we saw Twelfth Night.  I’d already seen it a few weeks ago, and although well done I didn’t care for the story and could have lived without seeing it again but they needed drivers.  I did enjoy meeting some of the other parents, and it was fun to see the kids enjoying the show and talk about it.  There was a Q&A session with the cast afterwards and the kids really enjoyed that.  They even had a chance to talk to one of the actors as they walked down the hill– very special.  Altogether very worthwhile, but it made for a late night, we didn’t get home until 1 am.  I still haven’t caught up on sleep.

Speaking of American Players, Madeline and I are going up again on Saturday to see Royal Family.  Sometimes I think I’m crazy to spend so much time and money on APT, but the truth is it is something she and I both enjoy.  It’s kinda our thing, and really not the worst way to spend out time or money.

I went through CPR certification this past Saturday, which was very interesting.  Although, as another not-so-young person in the class said, it’s real hard on the knees.  It’s actually a good feeling, though, to know that I can perform CPR, use an AED, and help a choking person.  A big responsibility too, of course.  One of my class mates is also starting the PTA program this fall, so it was nice to see a familiar face.

I’ve managed to keep up the bike rides as time allows and feel better for it.  The eating right part is not going so well– easy to fail on that when I’m busy.  But I keep working at it– small steps forward!

I have the day off today which is wonderful.  I have some things to get done today so I’ll be busy, but a break from the cafe is good.  We’ve been busy, and that is a blessing and I’m grateful for it.  For the most part customers have been great, but there have been a few days where the tips have been pretty poor, in spite of good service.  That wears me down a bit.  So I’ll enjoy the day off.  We need to start getting ready for our vacation, coming in a week and a half!  I am so looking forward to that.

I have not been biking as much as I had hoped to.  I have all kinds of reasons (or excuses) not to– it’s too hot, it’s too late, I’m too tired, I don’t have enough time.  On Sunday, when the hot weather broke, I took a short ride, on the little loop I’d found earlier this summer.  I timed it and it takes about 20-25 minutes to do.  It’s not as long a ride as I would like to do, but 25 minutes is better than 0 minutes. I almost always have 25 minutes to spare in the evenings. So, I am going to commit to taking that 25 minute ride every evening, and will do a longer one when time allows.  So far I have kept it up. I’ve also been doing some strength exercises in the morning.

I went to the doctor for my yearly check up last week, and she made it clear it’s time to exercise and get in shape, so that has been the impetus behind all this.  I’m going to try to eat better, too.  My cholesterol is high.  I’m 49, and if I don’t start making these changes now, when do I think I will?  Plus I want to be in good shape physically when I start my clinical courses in late August.

Time to get cracking!

Enter Fr. David, a new priest but not a young one.  He had been a teacher for a while, then entered the Peace Corps, then after that entered seminary.  He had a beard and mustache, and long hair he kept pulled back in a pony tail.  He drove a tiny old car with a peace sign on the back.  Not quite what our little, rural church was expecting, but we loved him right from the start.

Fr. David is a kind, generous man, with a heart for the Eucharist and a passion for social justice.  He was patient with us, slowly but firmly getting our Liturgies and our parishes better in line with what was expected by the Diocese.  He listened to our complaints with great forbearance.  He shared in the difficult decisions.  He brought together our parishes and helped us all to learn to share, to be generous– not an easy task with four independent, proud parishes!

I was on the parish council for 3 years during that time, and was always impressed with how well he handled things.  Change comes hard to people, and we had a lot of changes coming from the Diocese during his tenure.  He was so patient with our complaints and questions, he was sympathetic to our concerns, yet he never wavered in doing what he needed to do.  It could not have been easy.  He helped at our Faith Formation classes for the middle and high school students, and my co-teacher and I were very grateful to him for that– not all priests are so generous with their time.

While he was our priest he traveled to Cuba, Guatemala and Mexico, and always shared his experiences afterwards.  Several years ago he took a sabbatical in the Holy Land, an experience which touched him deeply.  He brought his experiences there into his sermons, enriching us all.  He  did a PowerPoint presentation of it for our Faith Formation classes, and the kids were almost mesmerized by it– it was a wonderful thing for them to see.

I knew he wouldn’t be with us forever, and had a feeling this would be the year he was transferred.  I’m sad to see him go, but I’m grateful for the time we had with him.  He is the priest my kids will most remember from their childhood, and I could not ask for a better priest for them than this man, who combined a firm devotion to the Church and the Eucharist and a commitment to live out the command of Jesus to serve others.

His new parishes will be blessed to have him.

As for our cluster of 4 parishes, we have been split up, with 2 joining one cluster and 2 another.  This Sunday will be our first Mass with our new priest.  I have heard very good things about him.  I know there will be adjustments and I’ve already experienced the fears and complaints of some of my fellow parishioners, but most of us are choosing to trust that the Spirit is at work and that, as Julian of Norwich said, All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

…………

In other news, it is Independence Day, it is 10:30 in the morning , and the temperature is already 91.  Zoinks!

So sitting out on the porch is a lovely treat and I’m enjoying the fresh air.  The black raspberries for the sauce were picked on Monday evening.  I was struggling Monday with an issue that affects my future plans.   What to do?  Monday I was going crazy thinking about it and finally decided to get out of the house for a while.  I headed to a nearby park that I used to take the dog to, back when he was still alive.  I brought along a container in case their were berries, and there were!  I wore shorts, unfortunately, but refused to let the thorns stop me.  I came home with very scratched-up legs and about 3 cups of berries– not enough for jam, so I made sauce instead. Delicious and totally worth the torn flesh.  To me black raspberries taste like summer.  They are early this year, usually hey are ripe around Independence Day.

We are having quite a dry spell here in Southern Wisconsin, and if we don’t get rain soon the farmers may lose their corn.  However, I haven’t had to mow much and there aren’t many mosquitoes at the moment– so we take the good with the bad.

When I was growing up my dad always had a very large garden every summer– it helped to feed our family of six.  I loved peas, even then, and have wonderful memories of taking a basket, walking down to the garden, and happily picking a basketful.  I would then sit on our screened porch and eat the whole basket, generally without any help from anyone.  I’m sure I was willing to share, and I know I did share sometimes.  I was often home alone– I am much more of a home-body than the rest of my family– so I guess I just got first crack at them. I ate most of the ones this morning, and apologized for being a pig.  My daughter said it was fine, since I love peas so much.  I said she loved them too, but she said she just likes them, but I love them.  So maybe the rest of my family didn’t quite have the passion for them that I do.

We had our first performance of Cinderella last night and it went very well– the house was sold out, or close to sold out.  Some of the cast members are young adults that I first met 8 years ago on the first show I ever worked on, and it is wonderful to see them grown up, still performing.  I’ve said it will be my last show for a while, and it has been such a good one to be my last.

The only thing I don’t like about the show is the music.  Because of our small venue, we couldn’t have an orchestra, but the directors did not want just a pianist– they wanted the orchestral sound.  So we bought the rights to a full computerized orchestration.  In many ways it’s fantastic– the music is very well performed, and the program has a lot of flexibility, it’s actually quite amazing.  But it lacks something– it’s almost too perfect.  It’s much like the difference between studio performances vs. live performance.  Of course, sometimes a live pit orchestra can have its difficulties– I’ve been involved in shows where the pit overpowers the singing, or in ones where they seem to be fighting each other every step of the way.  So we don’t have any of that.  But vamping is a big part of a musical, due to timing, and when the recorded orchestration vamps, it sounds just like a record skipping– it’s the same thing over and over, with no human vagaries or imperfections.  It’s actually sort of horrible, and even somewhat stressful during scene changes– I find myself rushing to make it stop!

Well, we tried it, and it has good points and bad, like anything else.  And as the technical director said, this production is teaching us a lot, including that the venue is not the best one for large, lavish musicals.

Madeline’s graduation party went well!  All her artwork looked fantastic up on the walls, it was really impressive and people enjoyed looking at it.  It was a warm day and we did run out of iced tea… we had over 30 people come and most stayed the whole time.  It was a lovely party and I’m glad we had it.  The house-cleaning frenzy before the party was exhausting, but we’ve enjoyed having a cleaner house (except for the spare room, where a lot of stuff got chucked!  We’ll work on that later…)

Madeline and I are both involved withCinderella up at our theatre guild, she’s in the show, I’m stage managing along with friend Denise.  I am enjoying it– it’s a truly wonderful cast, extremely talented and also a generous and hard-working cast.  No egos, no prima donnas or prima donalds as we like to call them.  We have 3 shows this weekend, and 4 next weekend, and that will be over.  I don’t plan on getting involved in any more shows for a while.

I found out 2 days ago, via a letter, that the PTA program I’m starting in the fall is on probation with the organization it gets it accreditation from.  The cause is low graduation rates, which they have been working on and the letter said they expect to get their full status back, but it is still worrying.  Not sure what I will do about it.  It’s been the one ow spot int he past few weeks, but it’s a pretty serious one.  Sigh.

Madeline finished up her schoolwork and is officially done with high school!  We will have a party for her in a week.  I had not originally planned to have a party– her brother was content with a dinner with family.  I grew up in a time and place when graduating from high school, while commendable, was not considered something that needed to be celebrated extravagantly.  I was surprised when we moved to this area to see the goings-on at graduation time: huge tents on the lawn; rented tables and chairs; catered meals ranging from pulled pork sandwiches with cheesy potatoes to gourmet hors d’oeuvre; guest lists in the hundreds.  Madeline’s party will be nothing like that.  We will have cake and probably some snack types foods– cheese tray and fruit tray and the like.  For beverages we thought we’d have a selection of iced teas.  The special part will be her artwork– we’ll remove all the pictures/painting on our walls and hang up her work!  We’re excited about that.  We’ll have some of our closest friends, and her paternal grandparents will be here too.  Should be fun, though I need to get moving on cleaning the house…

I’ve gotten her final homeschool transcript completed, signed by her dad and I, and mailed off.  Yesterday she received her housing assignment from college– it’s starting to seem real!  She already heard from one of her room-mates (she’ll share an apartment with 3 other girls).

Jacob finished his semester early in May, and did well, he should make Dean’s list again.  He went to Nationals with his flight team; they didn’t do particularly well as a team but he did all right individually, and he had a very good time.  He’s back in Dubuque for the summer, and has found a good sublet through mid-August, moved in today.  He just wasn’t happy in his last place, so I hope this suits for the summer, and I hope he finds something good for the fall.  He has one part-time job and will look for a second one, he’s also taking a 6-week summer class.

As of today I will no longer receive child support for Madeline.  That’s the way the law works in Wisconsin.  So money will be tighter from now on, but I’ve been prepared.  Both kids got good financial aid packages from their colleges; I did not, nor did I get any sort of scholarship, which surprised me.  I’m a little bitter about that, since I know I had a good application, but I remind myself that at least I still have the means to go to school– many don’t.

So here we are, in June, with my flower boxes planted and blooming on the porch, and my herbs growing in pots and in the side garden.  The daisies are blooming as well, and event the day lilies– they are both a bit early this year.  Mourning Doves have nested in the crab tree by the porch and the little ones watch me as I mow the lawn.  The  sunny days end in a long, lovely twilight, and I relish the peace whenever I have the chance.