Monday morning

Monday morning doesn’t seem like the best time to post but I have some time and figured I’d better use it.

I did not have to work this Saturday, which was great, since the city had free yard waste drop-off on Saturday morning.  I dropped off four big bags of leaves & weeds and one big box of sticks and branches.  It took two trips in my little car.  It felt good to get that done.  I also baked some bread on Saturday but other than that did not really accomplish a whole lot.  I did start sorting through the 2 book-cases in my dining room.  I have piles of stuff on the dining room table, there because there is no where else to put them.  So in order to clear off the table I need to make space.  I found some of the kids’ writing samples from years ago, it was fun to look through them.  I even found the essays I had them write on the 5th anniversary of 9/11.  Very interesting to re-read their impressions of that day.  Of course, once I started reading everything I came across progress in the sorting stopped.

Yesterday I took Madeline and 3 of her friends to see a movie.  It was a bit of a drive and it was interesting listening to the kids talk– it was mostly the two boys a long, and those boys sure spend a lot of time playing video/computer games.  My kids are not big on that, mostly because their dad and I never bought them any.  No regrets on that decision, really.  Jacob plays sometimes now that he is in college, but he’s not real good at them so he doesn’t much enjoy it.  I suppose it would have been a way for him to connect with friends, but I don’t know.  He’s doing so well and has such interests,  and the games do seem to be a massive time-sink for many people.  This weekend, Madeline spent her time working at her job, or working on an animation project due this week, or just working on her drawing skills, or reading.   Jacob worked on an application for an internship, on campaigning for president of his flight team, on homework.  The boys in the car spent hours playing video games.  I repeat: no regrets.

I’ve been reading Jack Kerouac’s On the Road.  I’d never read it and thought I should.  I’m not too far in but can’t say I’m enjoying it.  I like the parts where he is traveling, but I’m at the part where he is in Denver with his friends and it is not engaging me at all.  I suspect when I was in my twenties

Falling down

Well, I did pretty well with blogging everyday until these last few days.  It’s a pity to fall down at the end but there it is.  It was partly due to being busy– I had to prepare for my faith formation class on Wednesday and it took more time than anticipated.  It’s also due to readingThe Hunger Games, which I enjoyed.

My class went well, the kids enjoyed the Seder food (unleavened bread, celery, charoset, hard-boiled eggs, grape juice) and responded well too learning about Passover and the Last Supper.  We followed it with Stations of the Cross, which also went well.  The kids always enjoy that, probably because they get to participate.  They always do better when they can be more active.

I’ve been intrigued by what I’ve heard about the hunger games, so I plowed through the book this week and saw the movie last night with my daughter and one of my friends.  I liked both.  The book isn’t great literature and the ideas are not necessarily anything new but the author did a good job of putting it together and there is some good social commentary in it.  I liked the movie as well, in spite of the violence– I think they did a good job of portraying the brutality.

As for giving up sweets for Lent, well, I’ve fallen down there, too.  Things were going mostly well, but this week I’ve been a bit PMS-y and it was getting herder.  I was also getting crabbier and crabbier.  One of the problems with being peri-menopausal is that I seem to get stuck in a phase of my cycle for weeks.  Right now I’m stuck at the crabby-and-craving-chocolate phase.  (I’ve cheated here and there but have not had chocolate at all. )  Yesterday at work, after dealing with a rude customer, I mentioned to the gang that I was craving chocolate and wanting to kill people.  J. pointed out that, if I couldn’t eat chocolate, that left killing people as my only option, and K. told me to just eat some chocolate already.  So I did, and I’m not going to lie, I feel much better.

I’m hoping to leave it there and finish Holy Week in a good way.  Hopefully…. Philippians 4:13, right?

My eyes are tired

My eyes are tired because I finally finished reading The Robe, covering the last 200 or so pages in the last 24 hours.  I just couldn’t put it down.  It’s an amazing book and provided lots of food for thought.  I haven’t really processed it all yet.  In one review I read, the reviewer said the book had made him or her feel more confident about speaking out and practicing  the Christian faith.  It is definitely a book that does that, it makes me want to be more open about my own faith. I feel I practice my faith well, but I do not share it with people– I am reluctant to speak about my faith.  This book really challenged me to speak up!  I may write more later– or I may not.

I had asked a former teacher to write a letter of recommendation for me recently and hadn’t heard back.  It was depressing me, because she had always been very encouraging to me as a teacher.  I finally heard back– she had been busy, but would be glad to write the letter– whew!  This is for a scholarship, and they really want an instructor’s letter, and she was really my only option.   I am not only grateful because I need it, I am also grateful because I truly value this woman’s opinion.

Madeline and I took a bike ride this afternoon– it was a beautiful spring day today.  There was an intensely blue sky with white puffy clouds overhead, the grass was so incredibly, impossibly green.  Lots of trees are starting to bloom, and the daffodils and hyacinth and tulips are blooming and beautiful.  The violets ae coming up too, and I see rhubarb growing as I walk around the neighborhood.

Speaking of blooming plants– a little over a month ago I started taking a spoonful of locally produced honey everyday.  This is supposed to help with allergies– my parents do this and find it helpful.  I am not symptom-free, but I am much better than usual.   So I’m convinced.

Also– I am glad I set my goal to write everyday.  I wouldn’t have written tonight otherwise.

Early spring

I’m rather tired this evening.  I went to bed too late last night, and after work today I went over to the theatre guild to sell tickets for our upcoming show.   I would rather have been home– after a rainy morning it had cleared up and it was a lovely afternoon and evening.

Jacob headed back to school after sunset yesterday.  He heads west so it’s easier on the eyes to wait until the sun sets, at least for him since he sees well in the dark.  If it were me I’d want to be there before dark.  Madeline and I had a nice evening together, but she’s been a little quiet since she got back from her trip.  She had a good time, although she is a little worried about her grandma.  Grandma had back surgery about 9 or so years ago, it was a very long operation and she hasn’t been quite the same since, there were definitely some cognitive losses.  M. really noticed it this trip.  I don’t know if it’s really worse or if M. just is noticing it for the first time.  I haven’t seen her grandma for more than a few minutes at a time since 2005 so I couldn’t say.  In 2005, after our divorce, the grandparents were anxious to see the kids and the ex (their son) wouldn’t take them down for a visit, so I did.  I actually got along better than I had when I was still married to their son.  Not sure why, maybe because I no longer felt I needed to prove anything to them?  Their dad did not accompany them on this trip, and Madeline said she wished I had come!  I do not think it would have worked– since the ex re-married his parents have been noticeably cooler to me.  Maybe they think it would be disloyal?  It would probably annoy the new wife… She doesn’t much care for me.

I walked to and from work and then to and from the theatre guild, so at lease I got some outdoor time in that way.  On the way home from the guild, there was a flock of blackbirds in the trees, chirping and creaking (I don’t know what else to call the sound they make!) and making quite a racket. I’ve heard them quite few times in the last week or so, so it was fun to see them.

A lovely evening, the weather continues to be warm. The trees are budding and some are  leafing out, I see leaves on the black raspberry canes that have started up near the garage, my crocuses have bloomed and the daffodils are starting to bloom.  I even saw some violets blooming on my way home.  Yesterday on our bike ride we passed to forsythia bushes in glorious bloom. This morning on the way to work I saw some rhubarb starting to peak up out of the ground.   Spring officially starts tomorrow, but around here it is well underway.

Well, I missed a day in my quest to blog every day in March.  I will not beat myself up about it– yesterday was busy and I didn’t have the time. That’s the way things go sometimes.

I had a meeting last night, my first one as a board member of an organization my daughter is involved with, one that used Shakespeare’s work to explore contemporary issues.  I really wasn’t anxious to join another board, but they seemed to be having trouble finding people willing, and it is an organization my daughter has greatly enjoyed being a part of, so I figured it was time for me to give back.  They are a small group and a little disorganized, and I think I have something to offer them.

One of the things discussed at the meeting was social bullying.  They had a problem with this last year, but the perpetrators had not returned this year so they were hoping it would not be an issue.  It surprised me to hear this, since my daughter never mentioned it.  I asked her about it later and she had no idea this was going on.  At the meeting they said it took place primarily on Facebook and twitter, and mostly it was older kids doing it to younger kids.  I found it troubling and said so.  A graduate student, who is working as an intern with the program, explained it a bit, and said that it is part of a process kids go through as they learn about social stratification, who is above them, who is below, what that means, etc.  She said it is a natural thing and that it is also seen in primates.

Now this woman is a very nice woman and does a great job with the kids.  I have no doubt that she’s learned a lot, and that the learning is based on extensive studies and observations done by skilled psychological and sociological observes.  But the whole thing made me uncomfortable, and I really did not like her using the word “natural”, which she used a few times in the discussion.  Nor did I like her comparing us to primates. The whole thing really got me thinking

I know we humans are primates.  As a Catholic, I do not have an issue with evolution.  I know God created the world.  He may have done it in 6 days, or he may have done it over many millenia.  Either way it is an amazing, miraculous thing.  In fact, the amount of patience implied in evolution is, to me, a marvel. I can understand we have evolved from primates, but it is also clear that we are something more.  I believe we are made in His image.  I think one (of many) objections Creationists have to evolution is that it implies that we are no different from animals, and that it is used as an excuse for things that are (or can be considered) morally objectionable.

Now, no one at the meeting was excusing the bullying or saying it was okay because that is just the way we are.  I think they sensed that I was uncomfortable and troubled by the whole thing and wanted me to know it wasn’t an uncommon thing.  In doing a little searching on the web today, I see it isn’t, and realize I have heard about this.  But I don’t agree that it is natural.  I think, to a certain extent, it is a construct of the school system, which groups children by age in a way that does not exist outside of school.  I think this in this particular case because it definitely involved older kids being mean to younger kids.

I’m glad that the perpetrators aren’t participating anymore, and I’m glad the organization addressed and continues to address the issue.  It’s also a situation I needed to be made aware of, not only as a parent with a child in the organization but in my capacity as a teacher of Faith Formation at my church.  But it’s such a troubling concept, and it’s given me food for thought and prayer. It has made me really glad that we homeschool. Most important, it has made me realize how important Christ’s teaching, that we love one another, really is.

Topic of the Day

Sometimes, at work, we end up talking extensively on a single topic.  It’s not deliberate; someone starts off with a story or observation or dilemma and it somehow works its way into a discussion.  Today, oddly enough, the topic was alcohol.

None of us are drinkers.  Of the 5 of us their today, one doesn’t drink at all, 2 of us drink rarely, and the other 2 slightly more than rarely.  One woman mentioned that she really liked it that she worked with people who don’t drink regularly.  It does seem that drinks at the bar after work is a common way for people to bond, but really, it’s not the only way.

We moved on to the cost of drinking at a bar.  It is amazing how much people will spend at a bar, on a regular basis. Especially people who are older and have families.  Drinking at the bar when you are young and don’t have kids is one thing, but when I see people with young kids still at home hiring a sitter so they can go out and get blitzed it surprises me.  When they do so on a regular basis, well, it’s a free country.  But I’ll judge you.

It so happens that my ex-husband was a great one for wanting to go to bars, especially if they had live music.  He claimed it was about the music, and maybe it was, but it was also about the alcohol, and he had some nasty hangovers to prove it.   It bothered him that I did not go to the bars with him.  But, I didn’t (and still don’t) care to get drunk, and don’t handle alcohol well anyway– More than one or two and I tend to throw up, get a headache, and need to go to bed.  Sounds fun, right?  So he said I could go and not drink, which is true.  But I didn’t particularly care for how he behaved when he was drunk, and I find cigarette smoke intolerable.  Plus the idea of being the designated driver didn’t appeal to me.  Plus our kids were still little, and I figured the neighbor’s daughter who sat for us didn’t need to see The Drunk Guy coming home.  So I stayed home and off he went.

No question, this wasn’t a good thing for our marriage.  But my joining in at the bar wouldn’t have been good for me, or for our kids and I doubt it would have helped the marriage!

So I’m not much of a drinker, and I’ve found there are a goodly number of like-minded people, which is a blessing.

Sort-of spring

It’s an absolutely beautiful day here in southern Wisconsin, it was probably 60 degrees when I walked home from work.  If my feet weren’t so tired I would have taken a walk– although I will probably walk up to my meeting at the theatre guild tonight.  The warm weather is supposed to continue for a week at least.  The snow is gone from the yard, except for the bigger piles from shoveling.  The back yard looks pretty muddy, and very untidy– I did not rake up the last of the leaves last fall.

Is there a word for these kinds of days?  We have Indian Summer for those warm fall days in late autumn, is there a name for these spring-like days in late winter? Weather like this is a nice treat, especially when it’s been a hard winter, which this winter has not been.  But this weather is also deceptive– like a tease for true spring.  It gets my hopes up, and I start getting into that “spring” mode, ready to put away the winter clothes and boots, ready to be outside.  But winter ain’t over yet, and we will surely have more cold weather and probably a snowstorm or two.  Even though we’re near the end, and I know any cold spell won’t last long, it’s hard to go back to winter.

Snow!

We’re getting dumped with 6 or so inches of very wet, very heavy snow right now.  I’m not looking forward to shoveling but otherwise it’s rather lovely– every branch of every tree and bush is coated with snow.  It’s very pretty and almost makes me want to sing Christmas carols.   We had a decidedly not-white Christmas and I missed the snow.  We closed the cafe early– the owners live out in the country and were anxious to get home before the roads got any worse.  So I got home earlier than expected and that was nice.

Some friends who have been married for 23 years recently separated.  He woke up one morning recently, told her he wasn’t happy and hadn’t been for a while, packed a bag and moved out.  It’s hit her hard, really hard, and the kids, too, even though they are older.  I’ve talked to her a bit, but I try to just listen, and not say a whole lot– the one thing she most wants to hear– that he will come back to her– is something I can’t say, because I don’t know.  I’m also very cognizant of the fact that I can’t really be objective about it.  My now-ex left me and I remember clearly, even though it was almost 8 years ago, how absolutely awful it felt.

I get that people go through tough times, I get that people change.  I’m very happy right now and in the long run am sure I am better off without the ex.  But I still wonder why, when people go through things, they have to leave– leave a spouse, leave children,hurt them, in order to figure things out.

So Here We Go!

March 1st, day 1 of my month-’o'-blogging.

March came in gray and damp and chilly here in Southern Wisconsin.  Yesterday morning, it was clear and sunny and unseasonably warm.  A strong south wind pushed fluffy clouds through the sky and made me feel like spring was just around the corner.  My walk to work was invigorating.  By mid-afternoon it was cloudy and alternately raining, snowing and sleeting.   Still, it is March, and spring will come!

The cafe where I work has a wide range of clientele, and we get a fair number of senior citizens.  Today a woman came in with family members, and it was clear she suffered from dementia– she couldn’t even remember what she wanted long enough to order for herself.  We get a fair number of customers like this.  There is another woman, a pretty regular customer, who usually doesn’t remember what she ordered– it’s often a surprise to her!.  She sometimes forgets to pay, other times she pays but forgets that she did.  The staff is always careful to let each other know when she’s paid so she doesn’t end up paying twice.

Seeing people with dementia makes me really think.  We get the occasional customer who is clearly on his or her own, and I worry for them.  Most of the people have family or caregivers, but I think about how hard it is for the caregivers.

I seem to be noticing a lot more of this.  I don’t know if I’ve just become more aware, or if people are just starting to feel more comfortable bringing their loved one out in public (which is wonderful), or if there are just more people with Alzheimer’s or dementia.

Conversations

Last week I called a friend of mine to catch up.  I mentioned that Madeline was doing her last semester of high school and she said she supposed I was anxious for her to be done.  She said she feels like she is just waiting for her youngest to be done (she is a freshman).  I do not feel that way.  Raising kids can be hard, frustrating, challenging, even boring at times, but it is also fun and joyful and exciting.  I’ve enjoyed it thoroughly.  I am happy to see my kids doing so well, growing and meeting the new challenges they face.  But I’m not so anxious for this time to end that I would rush it.

Last night I talked quite a while with another friend and we talked about the same subject, but from a different perspective.  She knows of people who mourn when their children grow and move out.  She does not- she said that although she loved the babyhood and young child stages, she also loves watching them grow into wonderful, healthy adults.  She remembers those times fondly but would not hinder them from moving on.

I know some parents struggle with this, and I’m not naively thinking I won’t.  I remember the day I left Jacob at college.  For many years I wasn’t sure he’d go to college, and then in the space of two years he decided what he wanted to do with his life and started on the path that will lead him to that goal.   And then, on a lovely August day, after a morning of orientation activities at his college, I turned to him and said “Well, I think I’ll head out now, Jacob.  I feel like this is the right place for you and that you will be fine.”  He looked a bit nervous but also happy as he agreed, and I left him and headed to my car.  On the way home I cried, but they were good tears, bittersweet but more sweet than bitter.  My little boy was gone but in his place was this fine young man about to start living and learning on his own.   When I drop Madeline off at college (or when she leaves for college– I will probably have started my school by then) I will, I am sure, cry again, and it will be good tears again.  Because as my friend said, I would not hinder this.