Checking In

It has been a while.  My life is the busiest it has been in a long time.

School has been intense, but it us going well.  The program I’m in is fast-paced, and we have frequent exams and skill check-offs.  The check-offs have been an adjustment for me.  I’m fine with all the book-learning, but learning and then demonstrating skills has been a challenge for me– I’m more the intellectual/theoretical type.  The scary thing is that if you only get three chances to pass a check-off, if you don’t pass on the third try you are out of the program.

And guess who failed her first 2 check-offs on transfers?  Yep, that’s right.  Me.  For a stupid reason.  The same one both times.  Forgot to check the brakes on the bed for the first one.  On the second one I checked the brakes on the wheelchair, of course I did.  Just not carefully– one wasn’t fully set.  I was sweating bullets on that third one.  In the time between the second and third, I had a long, hard talk with myself.  The truth is I have a tendency to be a bit careless.  The truth is I sometimes forget to focus.  The truth is, sometimes instead of being in the moment I am looking ahead or looking behind or just not paying attention in some other way.  I had to be honest with myself about this, and I had to admit and accept that I would need to change that in order to get through the program.  I had to work hard at it.

I’ve been doing it.  The third check-off went well, and my next two I passed on the 1st try.  I’d like to keep it that way!  It’s been a good feeling to do as well as I have, and the changes I’ve made are good for me in life as well as school.  I think it would have been beneficial for me to have this attitude change many years ago.  Not that I’m all perfect now, it’s going to be an ongoing process, but one that will be very good for me.

I had some moments of despair before that third check-off.  I mentioned to a friend that I was beginning to think maybe God was trying to tell me this wasn’t for me.  Teresa wisely said “I wouldn’t consider it so until God closes the door.”  Just the reminder I needed!  I’ve taken to praying before check-offs and tests, and it’s become obvious already that the Lord is helping me through this.  So I continue to work hard and trust!

I like my classmates and we’ve all gotten close and are getting along well.  I’m still working at the cafe 3 days/week too.  But I’ve really had to drop out of quite a few things.  I haven’t had any time for theatre guild stuff, and I miss it.  I had to give up teaching Faith Formation and that was hard.  But I felt strongly that I needed to do that and it will only be for a few years.

I miss having church at my home church.  We only have Mass there 2-3 times per month, so the other Sundays I go to the church near my house.  It’s a bigger church and it’s a nice one, a good parish.  I know many people there and the priest is wonderful, but I just don’t feel quite at home there.  Maybe it will change as I go there more often…

In other news… Madeline has adjusted to college life pretty well.  She’s been a bit homesick and she misses her friends terribly, but she’s meeting new people and she enjoys her classes very much.  Jacob started his last year of college and is doing very well, quite busy but in good ways and happy for the most part.  I am looking forward to Thanksgiving when I can see them both!

In the meantime,  we all keep busy busy busy.

Sunday Morning on the Porch

The porch is my favorite place to be on a summer morning, fresh air, peace and quiet.

I’ve lived through another week of school.  It’s intense, no question about that.  I have a check-off on skills and I have an exam this week.  I do have Monday off, though.  I worked two long days in a row yesterday and Friday, very tiring but tips were good.  Yesterday after 7+ hours on my feet, I walked home, discovered that my flower boxes were in desperate need of watering and rushed to do so, then had just enough time to change and rush over to 4:30 Mass. I got there just in time, so after kneeling for a quick prayer I stood for the entrance song, Act of Contrition, the Gloria and the Collect.  Of course, when I sat down for the readings, fatigue hit me like a ton of bricks.  I think I dozed off for a bit  during the sermon, which is not at all the fault of Fr. Mike, his sermon was great, I was just that tired.  I walked back home on legs that felt like lead weights.  I had wanted to take a bike ride but decided I needed to rest, so I relaxed and read for a bit, made myself a nice meal, then studied for a while.  And that was my exciting Saturday night!

I’m going to Mass here in town more often.  I still belong to my little church out in the country.  However with our new priest and new cluster, we only have Mass every other week at our church, and the other churches in our cluster are too far away to drive to.  So I just walk the 6 blocks to the one here in town.  I like it well enough, but I do prefer my own little church.  I miss seeing everyone.  I had been waffling about whether or not to teach Faith Formation this year but finally decided that I really need to step out.  I’ve been doing it for quite a few years, and although it has been a struggle at times I’ve mostly enjoyed it and I’ll miss it.  But I’ve been waiting for 3 years to do this PTA program, and it is rigorous and demands my attention.  So, I will step down and trust that the Lord will prompt someone to take my place.  After I graduate, I may be ready and able to teach again, in some capacity.  Or perhaps the Lord will have another task for me.   But with Mass there only 2 or 3 times a month, and with me not teaching, I will feel a little isolated from my little parish.  But maybe I will start to feel more at home at the church here in town?

Madeline has survived her first week at college and is doing reasonably well.  She’s still not used to it and feels a little uncertain, but I’m confident that she’ll be fine.  We finally talked a little on Friday night and she sounded tired, but good.  Tomorrow I will go to Dubuque to see Jacob’s new apartment, and I’ll bring my laptop so we can Skype with Madeline.

Then into another school week.  It’s easy to see that between school and work I will be very, very busy.  I will need to be sure to take care of myself and not push too much.  I am glad I did not try to do this program while the kids were still at home, it would have been difficult.  SOme of the people in my class do still have young kids at home, and they say it is hard.  But– it is only for 2 years!

Speaking of school– I still am in the yahoo group for homeschoolers here in town, and it is fun to see all the “not-back-to-school” activities and reminders about filing the forms for homeschooling.  I’m done with that!

Farewell to Fr. David

Seven and one-half years ago Fr. David became the priest for our cluster of 4 parishes.  Our former pastor, Fr. Fitz, had died in May, 2003, and since then we were served by a rotation of retired priests.  We weren’t even sure we would get a new priest assigned to us.  There is a shortage of priests in the Catholic church, and we’d been warned our churches may be closed.  When we heard Fr. David was to be assigned to us, we were thrilled to get a priest– any priest.

Enter Fr. David, a new priest but not a young one.  He had been a teacher for a while, then entered the Peace Corps, then after that entered seminary.  He had a beard and mustache, and long hair he kept pulled back in a pony tail.  He drove a tiny old car with a peace sign on the back.  Not quite what our little, rural church was expecting, but we loved him right from the start.

Fr. David is a kind, generous man, with a heart for the Eucharist and a passion for social justice.  He was patient with us, slowly but firmly getting our Liturgies and our parishes better in line with what was expected by the Diocese.  He listened to our complaints with great forbearance.  He shared in the difficult decisions.  He brought together our parishes and helped us all to learn to share, to be generous– not an easy task with four independent, proud parishes!

I was on the parish council for 3 years during that time, and was always impressed with how well he handled things.  Change comes hard to people, and we had a lot of changes coming from the Diocese during his tenure.  He was so patient with our complaints and questions, he was sympathetic to our concerns, yet he never wavered in doing what he needed to do.  It could not have been easy.  He helped at our Faith Formation classes for the middle and high school students, and my co-teacher and I were very grateful to him for that– not all priests are so generous with their time.

While he was our priest he traveled to Cuba, Guatemala and Mexico, and always shared his experiences afterwards.  Several years ago he took a sabbatical in the Holy Land, an experience which touched him deeply.  He brought his experiences there into his sermons, enriching us all.  He  did a PowerPoint presentation of it for our Faith Formation classes, and the kids were almost mesmerized by it– it was a wonderful thing for them to see.

I knew he wouldn’t be with us forever, and had a feeling this would be the year he was transferred.  I’m sad to see him go, but I’m grateful for the time we had with him.  He is the priest my kids will most remember from their childhood, and I could not ask for a better priest for them than this man, who combined a firm devotion to the Church and the Eucharist and a commitment to live out the command of Jesus to serve others.

His new parishes will be blessed to have him.

As for our cluster of 4 parishes, we have been split up, with 2 joining one cluster and 2 another.  This Sunday will be our first Mass with our new priest.  I have heard very good things about him.  I know there will be adjustments and I’ve already experienced the fears and complaints of some of my fellow parishioners, but most of us are choosing to trust that the Spirit is at work and that, as Julian of Norwich said, All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of things will be well.

…………

In other news, it is Independence Day, it is 10:30 in the morning , and the temperature is already 91.  Zoinks!

Friday thoughts

It’s Friday evening.  I’m up in my room and just spent an hour or so working on a grant application for one of the organizations I volunteer for.  I’ve never done a grant application before but no one else was interested in doing it and I figured I had nothing to lose.  I’ve got it mostly done, I’ll just polish it up later this weekend and get it in on Monday, when it is due.  I have another one to do for another organization.  It’ll be interesting to see what transpires…

I’m in my room because my daughter’s sort-of boyfriend is here and I’m giving them some space to hang out.  What is a sort-of boyfriend? They are more than friends, but not really dating in a steady way.  No regular weekend dates, no phone calls or texts or anything on a daily basis.  They have known each other since they were 5 or 6, and in the last 6 months or so they’ve just become a little more interested in each other.   It’s very low-key and low-pressure and I very much approve– much more sensible than getting all serious and heavy.

I’ve been struggling with headaches this week.  Had a horrible migraine that started Monday night and went through the following evening– dreadful.  I felt good Wednesday morning but by the afternoon I had another headache, this one a sinus which of course segued into another migraine. Very painful and discouraging, since I’d been headache free for a while.  I think they were caused by a combination of factors– too much Easter candy (why, oh why did I buy 4 bags of Cadbury mini-eggs? What was I thinking?) , and I forgot to take my loratadine on Monday so the allergies were acting up.  Also Wednesday was a bright, sunny day and while working, the reflection of cars parked outside really got to me.  I survived, though, got back on the allergy meds, and got the last of the mini-eggs out of the house since I have absolutely no self-control with them.

So I haven’t written much in April, and I miss it.  It’s been a busy couple weeks with Easter and all, not to mention time spent curled up in bed clutching my head and waiting for it to explode.  But I’m learning that writing makes me feel good, is good for me, and maybe something I am supposed to be doing.  I need to not be afraid to prioritize it.  I did write a little in my private journal, and I’ll write more this weekend– I have some stuff to work out, and it’s not for public consumption.  I am finding journaling invaluable for this sort of thing– working out a problem or issue or just venting.

Speaking of Easter– the Vigil service was wonderful.  The lectors did a fantastic job, the music was lovely.  The church was decorated so beautifully and the fragrance of the Easter lilies filled the air. We’re blessed to have a priest with a good, strong, true voice and when he chants the Exsultet (Easter Proclamation) it is incomparable.  It occurred to me this year while listening that it may be the last time I get to hear Fr. David chant it– our parish clusters are changing this summer and he may be moved to another parish.  So I made sure to enjoy it.  Fr. was really on his game, and the Mass seemed even more beautiful than usual. I love the moment when Father lights the Easter candle, and then we spread its light through the dark church, candle to candle, until the whole space is filled with candlelight, symbolizing The Light of Christ. Thanks be to God!

Holy Week

It’s Good Friday.  I’ve been enriched by the Holy Week services.

Palm Sunday at our little church was very nice this year.  We had a good turnout, the music was lovely, and the lectors did a great job reading the Passion. When I was younger I often found it too long, but not anymore.  It’s the perfect way to start the week.

On Tuesday I had dinner with my co-teacher for Faith Formation and with Fr. David, then we went to the Chrism Mass.  It’s the third time I’ve been to the Chrism Mass, and I really find it uplifting.  The Diocesan Choir sings, the music is always exceptional, and the Liturgy is beautiful.  There is something about seeing all the priest of the Diocese, along with the seminarians, that touches me.  They always seem so happy to be there, to be together.  The Bishop got a little political during his homily, which is understandable given the current situation with the new health care law, but I would prefer not to have politics in the pulpit.  The blessing and distribution of oils is always lovely.  I especially enjoyed being in a big church full with enthusiastic fellow Catholics!  It’s very encouraging.

We had our second-to-last Faith Formation class Wednesday.  It included the Sacrament of Reconciliation.  All but 2 kids chose to partake of it.  I went, and it was good.  I’ve grown to appreciate it.  I was proud of the kids, too.

Jacob arrived home from college last evening in time to grab a quick bite and then head to Holy Thursday Mass.  The Mass of the Lord’s Supper was for many years my favorite of the Sacred Triduum services.  I love the readings, remembering the first Passover, and the institution of the Eucharist, and the washing of feet as a reminder of Christ’s call to service.  I have always loved the incense, the procession and reposit of the Blessed Sacrament, and singing Tantum Ergo.   It’s a ritual I remember from my earliest days and I love it.  The service was lovely, and Fr. David’s sermon was great, but there were not a lot of people there.  Because Fr. D has 4 churches, we rotate the Triduum Masses so each church gets a different one of the services.  I don’t know why, but this Church never seems to have good attendance for Holy Thursday.  There were very few young kids there,which is always disappointing.

As always, I worked today so was unable to go to the Good Friday service– it has been years since I’ve gone.  But tonight I went to a nearby Catholic church to see a mime performance of the Passion.  Sounds strange, right?  I’m not a fan of mime, but this was absolutely amazing.  Their high school Faith Formation classes did this, and they did a beautiful job.  Rich in symbolism, respectful, not rushed, no silliness, the kids should be very, very proud.  In the past I’ve often felt I don’t focus on the Crucifixion enough, and viewing this beautiful performance helped me with that.  I came home and read the readings for today, and am feeling a little more focused on things.

Tomorrow– the Easter Vigil!  The kids and I love it.  It is at our own church, for the second year in a row, and I’m really looking forward to it. I know not everyone likes the longer service, but I do– the readings are always especially beautiful, as they take us through Salvation history.  Such a deep, meaningful, joyous time.

Cold Again

March is always a fickle month; the proof of this is the weather today, 34 degrees when I woke up.  It’s been cool, cloudy and windy all day. Maybe the cooler weather will keep the grass from growing so fast– I already need to mow my lawn!  I’m putting it off, because once I start, I’ll be mowing until October.  But if I don’t do it in the next day or two, it will be too long for my reel mower…

Right now I’m sitting at the box office at the theatre guild, and sales are not quite non-existent.  Hopefully they will pick up later this week; our little group needs the money from this show badly . Anticipating slow sales, I hauled along my laptop, and I’ve had some uninterrupted time to work on things.  I’ve written my little essay for my scholarship application, which I hope to mail off tomorrow and be done with.  I’ve also worked on my lesson plans and modified Seder for class Wednesday evening, so that’s almost done. I’m working to keep the focus on how the Seder relates to our own Eucharistic Liturgy, while hopefully giving the kids a taste of how the New Covenant proceeds from the Old.  All this while not running too long or boring them.

Rather than the usual pizza snack, I’m having them munch on our little Passover meal while we talk about it.  I spent some time searching for recipes for unleavened bread.  3 years ago, when I first did my much-too-complicated Seder, I found a really nice, tasty recipe for unleavened bread.   I actually used it for the Last Supper scene in Godspell, which our theatre guild was doing at the time.  It’s possible I wrote it down somewhere, but so far I have not been able to find it, though I’ve found a few that look similar.  I also need to get apples and nuts for charoseth, and of course hard-boiled eggs, and grape juice.   Maybe celery for the bitter herbs.  I won’t do the horseradish, last time I did and the kids did NOT like it.  Too hot!

Since I spent so much time on Sunday reading, I was feeling a little stressed and rather behind on things, so having this time to work on stuff has been very nice.  Still, I wouldn’t mind doing a few sales…

I missed a day of blogging again but for a good reason.  Yesterday was just plain busy.  I had work and then Faith Formation in the evening.  I had today off, which was lovely.  I managed to get some errands done,and I put the screens in the windows.  It’s been quite warm for a few weeks and the house has been quite stuffy, but I’ve help back from putting the screens in, mostly because I’ve been busy but also because it just seemed too early.  Plus the screens are new ones to go with the new windows, and I had to get them out of their boxes and haul out the ladder… it was a bit of a job!  But they are in now and the windows are open and the fresh air is coming in.

Faith Formation went well last night.  We had a decent turnout, only one of our regulars missed.  I’d hoped to see some of our not-so-regulars there but no luck.  I really need to find a way to reach out to them and encourage them to come.  Anyway, we talked about Holy Week, starting with Palm Sunday and the Triumphal Entry into Jerusalem touching on the cleansing of the Temple, and finishing with the Last Supper and the garden of Gethsemane.  Then we actually showed a few scenes from “Jesus Christ, Superstar”.  I think the kids liked it, we hoped it would bring the Gospel stories alive for the kids.  Next week we will do avery modified Passover Seder/Last Supper.

I did this once before with another class about 3 years ago.  I’d worked long and hard, researched extensively, made all the food, brought nice candlesticks & table linens, the whole nine yards.  It was interesting and fun but I definitely got a bit carried away and it was a little too much.  I love this kind of stuff so it is easy for me to overdo it.  Years ago I went to a Seder presentation by Jews for Jesus at a friend’s church.  It was a Bible church, and I found it curious that many of the people at the church weren’t particularly aware that the Last Supper was a Seder.  I had always been aware of it, since in the Catholic Liturgy the readings for Holy Thursday’s Mass of the Lord’s Supper includes the story of the first Passover from the Book of Exodus.  The Seder and accompanying explanation from the representative for Js for J was very interesting, and I was so fascinated to realize how directly the Eucharistic Liturgy draws from it. This spurred a curiosity that has had me delving deeper into Catholicism, something I have enjoyed very much.   Hopefully I can come up with something by next week that will educate the kids without overwhelming them!

I was able to get to church early enough to participate in Stations of the Cross and Benediction, along with about 10 other people.  The Stations are a lovely devotional activity for Lent.  It makes me really think about my behavior, and I was forced to admit that I’d not been really doing well in some areas.  We’ll do reconciliation for our class during Holy Week and I know I’m in need of it.

 

St. Patrick’s Day

There are all kinds of St. Patrick’s Day activities in town today but I have no plans to attend any of them. I am making Irish oatmeal for breakfast,  and I am wearing a green shirt.  I might pop up to the cafe for lunch, to get some corned beef & cabbage.  I’m a little less than half Irish, on my mom’s side, and I’m proud to be Irish and appreciate my heritage, but I’ve never been into the whole shamrocks and leprechauns thing, not for a while.

When I was a kid, growing up in Vermont, we used to watch the St. Patrick’s Day parade from NYC on Channel 11 (WPIX, which also had Popeye cartoons and Gilligan’s Island re-runs).  I went to school at the parochial school associated with our church, which was the Irish Catholic one, so we colored shamrocks and such.  I remember wearing little green plastic shamrock pins, and singing “When Irish Eyes Are Smiling”. ( In retrospect I find it interesting that, in spite of the fact that we had genuine Irish nuns at the school, including the music teacher, we never learned any real Irish songs.)

As an adult, I’ve never gone in for the green beer, pub crawl aspect of St. Patrick’s Day. When my kids were younger we’d read some fun Irish-themes picture books and make Irish Soda Bread (of course I get into the food aspects!) .  Beyond that, I don’t do much to mark the day.  My ancestors came over to America to escape poverty, famine, and religious oppression. They faced some tough times in America but prospered through hard work and perseverance.   They remembered their heritage and took pride in it, they remained true to their faith, but they were also very proud to be US citizens.  As am I.  I’d love to visit Ireland someday, though.

Interesting note: I grew up in Vermont, and in the small city I lived in, there were 3 Catholic churches: one built by the Irish Catholic immigrants, one built by the French Catholic ones, and one built by the Italian Catholics. Early on all three had parochial grade schools associated with them; by the time I was in junior high school (as it was still called in those days) only one of the schools was still open– at the Irish one.  It’s still around today.

Time change

Daylight Savings Time.  Love it that it will be light later in the evening, hate losing an hour.  It was a tough weekend to do it.  The kids left this morning for a visit to Florida to see their paternal grandparents.  They had to be on the road by 6:30 to make it to the bus station in Rockford in time for their bus to O’Hare.  Since we were up late and fairly wound up before we went to bed, losing an hour seemed especially hard.  But they got up, got on their way and are now in Florida, enjoying the warm weather I hope!

It’s actually a nice day here in Wisconsin, currently just over 60 degrees.  This afternoon I went out to look at the yard and the garden beds.  Crocuses, tulips and daffodils are poking up through the ground. I turned the compost pile, emptied my compost bucket and the small bin of compost I keep on the back porch for when it is too snowy or yucky to get to the pile. I raked a bit, and pulled some weeds– I have a few pernicious weeds that I have trouble getting rid of, so thought it best to start right in.  I’m not even sure what they are, but I am determined to eradicate them this year.  I think I’ve finally defeated the garlic mustard– that was an epic battle.  The seeds arrive in our yard via the dog– he must have gotten them on his fur at the dog park here in town, there is plenty there.  It first appeared in an area he liked to hang out in so I blame him. I keep on it, and every year there is a little less.  Last year I really got at it right away, and so far I don’t see it.  Probably wishful thinking– it’s very persistent.

It was pleasant to be outside and working in the garden.  Church was lovely this morning.  One of our parish families was baptizing their 9th child after Mass, it was lovely to see all 9 kids there.  The Gospel reading was the Woman at the Well from the Gospel of John, I always like it.  Instead of Fr. David preaching a sermon we listened to a recorded homily from the Bishop for our Annual Catholic Appeal.  It’s an important thing, the appeal, since much of the money the Diocese needs for its work is collected through it, but they take a rather heavy-handed approach to it, I don’t think people like it.  I guess it must work, they’ve been doing it this way for several years now.  Still, I can’t help but wonder if another method would work.

Rest

As I write this, there are lazy flakes of snow falling.  I look out the window and see them drifting past the bare branches of the tree in the backyard.  Beyond are the neighbors’ houses, two of them with dirty white siding that almost blends in with the gray-white sky.   The green house in the middle looks tired and worn, it’s in need of some work but I am reasonably sure the owners aren’t in a position to do much, financially.  I could be wrong, they may just not care.

Madeline and I went to Mass this morning, the Second Sunday of Lent.  The first reading was about Abraham on his way to sacrifice his son Isaac, until God stopped him.  A tough reading, one that makes me feel a little uncomfortable, and I’m probably not alone in that.  If God asked me to kill one of my children would I do it? No.  I am sure of that.  I admit I do not have that level of trust in God, the ability to trust that if he asked this of me, then it must be his will.  Most people would say this is the sane way to think.  Even my most strongly Christian friends don’t talk about this particular story.

I once read and interpretation of this– it was in a fictional short-story– that said God was telling us that he does not require human sacrifice, and by extension, he does not require us to kill for him.  I suppose there is a whole lot of stuff in the Bible that would cast doubt on that interpretation, but I think it’s valid.  In a class on salvation history, I learned that the place in Moriah that Abraham took Isaac to is also the place where Jesus was crucified; thus the story pre-figured Christ’s sacrifice, and highlights that only He was the worthy sacrifice.  Food for thought, there!

I had such a wonderful time with my friend last night.  She called me later last night to tell me she had fallen on her way from her car to her house, she slipped on ice and hurt her wrist.  She asked me to pray for her.

She is a prayer warrior.  She prays for anyone she feels needs it, anyone who asks her.  She friends many people on Facebook, because it helps her remember to pray for them.  It is a source of amazement to me.  It seems to me that she incorporates her prayer into her day, it is a part of her, always there.  I seem to confine prayer time to early morning, before bed, and at Mass.  I would like to incorporate it more into my daily life.  My fasting from sweets is one way of doing this– at work I am constantly around pies, cakes, cookies, custards, pastries.  So I have to be consciously resisting much of the time.  As I mentioned, I am doing this as a prayer, and I’m finding that focusing on that has helped me to resist temptation.  It has also helped me to be more mindful of God, of Christ, and of prayer.  A step in the right direction.