It has been a while. My life is the busiest it has been in a long time.
School has been intense, but it us going well. The program I’m in is fast-paced, and we have frequent exams and skill check-offs. The check-offs have been an adjustment for me. I’m fine with all the book-learning, but learning and then demonstrating skills has been a challenge for me– I’m more the intellectual/theoretical type. The scary thing is that if you only get three chances to pass a check-off, if you don’t pass on the third try you are out of the program.
And guess who failed her first 2 check-offs on transfers? Yep, that’s right. Me. For a stupid reason. The same one both times. Forgot to check the brakes on the bed for the first one. On the second one I checked the brakes on the wheelchair, of course I did. Just not carefully– one wasn’t fully set. I was sweating bullets on that third one. In the time between the second and third, I had a long, hard talk with myself. The truth is I have a tendency to be a bit careless. The truth is I sometimes forget to focus. The truth is, sometimes instead of being in the moment I am looking ahead or looking behind or just not paying attention in some other way. I had to be honest with myself about this, and I had to admit and accept that I would need to change that in order to get through the program. I had to work hard at it.
I’ve been doing it. The third check-off went well, and my next two I passed on the 1st try. I’d like to keep it that way! It’s been a good feeling to do as well as I have, and the changes I’ve made are good for me in life as well as school. I think it would have been beneficial for me to have this attitude change many years ago. Not that I’m all perfect now, it’s going to be an ongoing process, but one that will be very good for me.
I had some moments of despair before that third check-off. I mentioned to a friend that I was beginning to think maybe God was trying to tell me this wasn’t for me. Teresa wisely said “I wouldn’t consider it so until God closes the door.” Just the reminder I needed! I’ve taken to praying before check-offs and tests, and it’s become obvious already that the Lord is helping me through this. So I continue to work hard and trust!
I like my classmates and we’ve all gotten close and are getting along well. I’m still working at the cafe 3 days/week too. But I’ve really had to drop out of quite a few things. I haven’t had any time for theatre guild stuff, and I miss it. I had to give up teaching Faith Formation and that was hard. But I felt strongly that I needed to do that and it will only be for a few years.
I miss having church at my home church. We only have Mass there 2-3 times per month, so the other Sundays I go to the church near my house. It’s a bigger church and it’s a nice one, a good parish. I know many people there and the priest is wonderful, but I just don’t feel quite at home there. Maybe it will change as I go there more often…
In other news… Madeline has adjusted to college life pretty well. She’s been a bit homesick and she misses her friends terribly, but she’s meeting new people and she enjoys her classes very much. Jacob started his last year of college and is doing very well, quite busy but in good ways and happy for the most part. I am looking forward to Thanksgiving when I can see them both!
In the meantime, we all keep busy busy busy.